The Romantic's Guide to Holiday Gift Giving: What to Give Your Favorite Adult Actress

The first porn star I ever loved was named Jenteal. She was tall and strong, with clipped bangs and a wide smile. Her bio claimed some Native American heritage. On screen she was all business. I think I was embarrassed by the other starlets’ sensuality, simulated or otherwise. Jenteal was there to get the job done, and I was thankful for her candor.

Then came Devon. Aesthetically she was Jenteal’s opposite, blonde and squeaky. She seemed about as sexually sophisticated as the girls I had crushes on at school. Eventually she streamlined and hardened—her baby fat giving way to plastic—and took up with a pudgy male actor with frosted tips who looked like a Crazytown roadie.

It feels harder to fall in love with pornographic actors these days. The shift to digital and gonzo formats has made some of the industry’s machinations more transparent but obscured the clear relatability of many performers. Some launch semi-traditional careers, while others perform two scenes—shot over the course of a day in a Miami condo—and then disappear. Websites and gonzo directors are sloppy with stage names, leaving you to Google endless variations of “Kristal” or “Sunny” or “Rod” when searching for the rest of their oeuvre.

As with any trade, some practitioners are better self-promoters than others. Some have decent websites and robust Twitter followings and Fleshlight merchandise deals. In some cases, this lack of marketing savvy is refreshing. While we respect the hustlers, their quiet counterparts are often more relatable. For most actresses, this is no act. Due to a lack of agency, missed opportunity, bad advice, or outright manipulation, they lack the ability to capitalize on their moment. The “amateur” fetish (infrequently indicative of an actor’s professional experience) leaves everyone looking wide-eyed and glassy. But the most successful adult actresses are able to cultivate this innocent—borderline hapless—persona and build a multi-faceted career around it. Everyone wants to give things to “the girl next door.”

But even the most ardent of porn star fans need some guidance. There may be no lonelier feeling than receiving a gift from a loved one that seems intended for somebody else entirely. A comically small sweater, a book you’d be embarrassed to be seen reading, the kind of chocolate you hate. This loneliness is multiplied by a thousand when the giver is someone you are involved with romantically. After suffering on both sides of that transaction, a Wish List comes as something of a Godsend. While gauche and cold and presumptuous, they remove the stress and guess work from holiday shopping.

Many adult actresses maintain Amazon Wish Lists year round, providing their fans and admirers an opportunity to give them everything from lingerie to literature to electronics. The Amazon Wish List is a way to bypass the gonzo directors, Scandinavian web masters, slithery boyfriends, and other unsavory middlemen. It is not a perfect solution, but for a fan in love it is the most direct way to show affection. If you want to give the gift of appreciation this holiday season, here’s a sampling of adult actresses’ Amazon Wish Lists.

Lexi Belle would like a water slide and promises to "send a thank you gift back!"

Bobbi Starr—actress, director, Colby College lecturer—would like a Philips Sonicare Rechargeable Electric Toothbrush and Swamplandia! by Karen Russell.

Bree Olson—ex-Sheen goddess—would like Seinfeld: The Complete Series and a Dirt Devil.

Jill Kelly, recently in the news after a woman with a similar name was linked to General Petraeus, maintains a wish list despite her retirement from the industry. (In fact, several of the actresses included here are in varying states of retirement.) Nevertheless, Jill would like 3DTV glasses and something called a “Streetrider Eclipse.”

Alexis Texas would like a nine-foot thatched tiki umbrella.

Bibi Jones gained the attention in the mainstream media due to her association with New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski. She would like a pair of Toms and a wireless printer.

Kayden Kross, whose short story “Plank” appeared in the anthology Forty Stories: New Writing from Harper Perennial, would like a copy of Nate Silver’s The Signal and the Noise and a Canon EOS 5D digital camera.

Missy Martinez would like a Hello Kitty Popcorn Maker.

Andy San Dimas (Drive actress and Bill and Ted enthusiast) would like a 26-inch ventriloquist doll.

Allie Haze would like Rosetta Stone (Spanish Levels 1-3) and Supernatural: The Complete Seventh Season. Images via Amazon.com and Pornaments.com