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A Day In The Life Of Uncle Sam. Extended to a full two hours, this is like a small-time political cartoonist's daydreams: lurid, hectoring, dumb-as-muck. A sure-fire crowd-pleaser, in other words.Uncle Sam, wakes up, GORGES on A CAN OF PETROL (symbolising US dependence on oil, for which they need to keep on perpetrating deplorable foreign policy in the Middle East). He goes to the bathroom. His toilet is a group of Palestinian children, on whom he PISSES, symbolising US pissing in the face of Palestinian children.Uncle Sam leaves the house and meets up with his friend, JOHN BULL. The pair go around warning people of the threat of the sky falling in (SYMBOLISM: THE INTERNATIONAL TERRORISM MYTH). They start an illegal war on false evidence and sing an extraordinary rendition of Cheryl Cole's “Fight 4 This Love” (SYMBOLISM: EXTRAORDINARY RENDITION IS A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY).
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Banksy and Michael Moore star in: Laughing All The Way To The Banksy
Banksy and Moore present completely unbiased documentary insights into capitalism. They go looking for answers about the state of the modern market economy, and uncover some startling truths: that capitalism is actually the most efficient way for a society to produce goods and services; that most 'conspiracies' are just flimsy piles of circumstantial evidence; that the only real way to keep the world safe is for the Western powers to have strong expensive armies and thereby act as global policemen to deter rogue states; and that while going to see a bit of licensed-radicalism at the cinema might make people feel they've 'broadened their horizons', it's not going to change their basic beliefs in free enterprise and the importance of a good T-Mobile contract.Scenario Three:
Who Is Banksy?
Banksy is a mysterious renegade. This is a feature film with an ENIGMA at its CENTRE. Who is Banksy? What is Banksy? Why is Banksy? How is Banksy? What is Banksy worth, for tax purposes? The filmmakers go in search of an enigma, but never actually find the man behind the myth. Each clue reveals a dead end. Each moment of insight gives way to emptiness. Nonetheless, at the end of it all, the filmmaker turns to the camera and has a moment of realisation. "IT WAS THEN I KNEW THAT BANKSY WAS ACTUALLY WITHIN ALL OF US".Scenario Four
Art Lovers
Banksy and Sandra Bullock are united on screen at last. She plays a journalist attempting to track down the mysterious renegade art genius Bankelstein. He plays Bankelstein - a tortured wild-boy prone to acting impulsively but with a heart of solid gold. Most plot points are cribbed from 1991 Vanilla Ice vehicle Cool As Ice (now recognised by cinema-lovers as the proto-8 Mile). Those that aren't, are cribbed from Notting Hill. She slowly melts his icy renegade heart, and it ends with a Say Anything-style declaration of undying affection when Banksy paints her face in a heart on the side of her tenement block in downtown Belfast. Uncle Sam pisses on a child. Jeff Bridges slowly munches a bowl of Crunchy Nut.GAVIN HAYNES
