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FASHION ISSUE EXTRA - I.U.D. AND AURA READINGS

Sometimes feeling the moment makes for shabby documentation skills. I tried to capture the vibe during

I.U.D.

's set at the secret

Fashion Issue

release party but a thorny little poke in my belly wanted to do some thrashin'. So all's I got was about a minute of woozy globbulous black with a few seconds of lightning illumination. But you can still feel a bit of Lizzi and Sadie's swelling, aching and banging. Just visualize squirty period-filled kegels while squatting and humping yourself over a black leathered knee. Or while you masturbate out the worst, sharpest menstrual cramps and cream out that nettles-sharp orgasm that at the same time hurts and heals your throbs. It's that medicinal animal scratch of a cum that makes for good S&M. And I.U.D were such good S&M sisters! When I saw

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their photo spread

in the Fashion Issue, I felt a little way too totally turned on.

The day after the party Lizzi and I went for an aura photo reading in Chinatown. This place can be a very good substitute for a therapist or a doctor if you have neither, as they will remark on your physical, mental, and emotional state each time you go for a aura photo sesh. Though I always have to poop and they always seem to know! I guess the dook balls get in the way and they can't see the baby or the tumors. This time I was smart and butt-ploaded pre-reading.

Anyway, we both got pretty accurate readings and Lizzi's photo had a misty little yellow blob on hers that meant money in her future. My aura was broke-ass, of course. But the woman told us that your aura changes every three weeks or so, and there is change ever occurring, so no worries.

There is an option to purchase a crystal too. It's an energy-conducting boost to aid your aura-churning chakras in need. Lizzi bought a little protection gourd crystal. It looks like an erect, uncircumsized peen thrusting from a seed billowing scro-sac or a black horse bunz. Historically, aren't all the lucky amulets shaped like a peen or scroto sac? Or it could be the tiniest clit stretching towards the cosmosian sun I guess. Also, the lady told us that when the crystal is around your neck, you cannot let people touch it. If they do, you have to give it a bath in sunlight or moonlight. She also told us that crystal magic was perfected to a fault by the people who lived in Atlantis. They knew the power of crystals were strong and they used them to overpower and control so aliens came and sank Atlantis into the bottom of the sea. She said this so casually that we knew she was telling the truth.

Afterward Lizzi bought me my first massage. But we had to go into this rumpus room gyno-basement and take our clothes off, I was scared and Lizzi sensed my fear. She called out my name when I was told to disrobe behind the vinyl curtain. It all was happening so fast and less spa-style and more abortion-like. Also, I quit shaving my legs since the day me and my best fella broke up for some kind of personal weird hippie ritual to brat against men. So i was embarrassed that I was not shorn like a lady, but was a beast-like a centaur when this man began to knead my calves. Lizzi went in for her turn, and I wondered what indiscretions would beset her dear aura. But, all in all, everything is S&M, one minute you have crystal protection power and the next, you are naked, oiled and pounded (per se).

ADRIANE SCHRAMM