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Vice Blog

NEW YORK - LOOK WHAT AN EDITOR KEEPS IN HIS FILE CABINET


While we're on the topic of interoffice goings-on, we're moving to new digs today, right now, as I type these very words. One editor is M.I.A., which meant we had to empty out his deskside file cabinet and move all his shit for him. We found some really creepy shit in the clean-out, so in his absence we're going to share with you (some of) the finer bits of his keepsakes…
p.s. I just found more

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1. A tiny plastic vial labeled "U.S. Biological CSF, Human Donor, 1 ml Storage." I am pretty sure this is a semen sample. Aren't you supposed to keep this shit frozen?

2. Two plastic cups for urine samples.

3. A shitty printout of Garth Brooks with a speech bubble pointing to his lips reading, "Happy Valentine's Day, Cowgirl." Stuff like this usually goes up on a wall or something. That it's in his desk must mean it's cherished, private, and special.

4. A stash of hot cocoa! Fucker! This stuff is the gold of the office, like as soon as it comes in it's gone. And he has four of these pods of deliciousness hidden away?! Fuck that, I'm going to go make one right now… You'll only have three of these (if you're lucky) when you get back, all right dude?

5. An outdated cell phone with Robert Smith's number on display.

6. Test tubes full of spinal fluid. OK, now I'm fully freaked out. I can understand a little vial of sperm--maybe it was from a story or something, or it's just a funny, gross thing to have around. But two samples of human fluids? Is he a secret serial killer?

7. Two figurines: an old woman with a cane and a bouquet of flowers, head missing; a plastic wind-up ape who jerks off his red-tipped boner.

8. A package of information from the Church of Scientology.

9. Some cute Japanese tissues. Fine by themselves, but in context with the rest of this shit…

10. And… a leash. Choker style. No fucking comment.

Oh look! Here's more! In order, from left to right: Scotch Snuff, opened (not full); poppers (two kinds) and a ball stretcher; Sodium Hydroxide (taped shut); perfume custom-made by a leather daddy.

Know whose desk this is yet? Winner gets to come in here and warm up my toes.

TEEN LAQUIEFA