
Advertisement
A: Think of the Tea Party but with a much smaller fan base and more bulldog tats. The EDL are a group of former football firms, (football firms are like soccer moms, only with flick knives) who for the past year have been rampaging around the country kicking the shit out of anyone who doesn't eat bacon. They're not known for their beauty or savage wit.

Well, it all started when a tiny group of extreme Muslims protested at an Army homecoming parade, accusing British soldiers of being baby killers who fancy George Bush. The local white males decided to attack these Muslims and thus started the EDL. Their missions are: 1) To root out and destroy Islam in the UK. 2) To stop Sharia law being introduced into the wider British society. These ambitions are easily divisible in two: 1) Will not be successful. 2) Will be successful (in the same way that my Gran's Sunday hat will be successful in preventing Sharia law taking over in the UK, as IT'S NOT EVER GOING TO HAPPEN. EVER).
Advertisement

I guess they have no alternative. Recently they were humiliated in Bradford so now they've taken their racist circus abroad to look for a wider audience. Unfortunately, it's probably a fair assumption that the diplomatic skills they honed at Europa League away games (shouting and stabbing) won't endear them to their new foreign buddies. Put a Frenchman and a German in front of an EDL guy and just see how long it is before the punching begins. On the Atlantic front, much like The Libertines, the Yanks just won't notice them.

Wanker, tosser, cunt, fucker, nigger, rag head, sand nigger, twat, paki, and poof are all favorites, but they also have a wide variety of football style chants that get pretty catchy after a while.

I'm sorry but they won't be sprucing 5th Avenue up with their impeccable fashion taste:

The EDL's taste in music is a little one dimensional, at every protest they play this song over and over and over again. A few hardcore members even played this number at a recent demo, just in case we didn't already know they were a gang of racist thugs.What attractions would the EDL enjoy in my local metropolis?
Well, obviously their first port of call would be the local meat salesman to complain about Halal meat. After that they're most likely to head to a venue of cultural sensitivity, perhaps the site of a Ground Zero Mosque debate, or a school that allows the burka to be worn. Once they've messed that up it's off to the nearest English pub to drink some English beer and call locals poofs.

