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It's the 29th of October, 2015, and Sepp Blatter is still, technically, president of FIFA.
Yesterday, Sepp Blatter gave a typically-unhinged interview to Russia's TASS. He admitted that voting was rigged in the decision to hand Russia the 2018 World Cup and added that it had also been rigged so the U.S. would host the 2022 tournament—if only that meddling Michel Platini hadn't stepped in and screwed everything up.
Today, it was Platini's turn to say stupid things. He told a bunch of newspapers, for example, that "I am, in all humility, the most able to run world football," which, lol. About the mysterious $2 million payment he received from FIFA, he said the following: "So to be clear, was there work provided? Yes. Is an oral contract legal in Switzerland? Yes. Did I have the right to reclaim my money even nine years later? Yes. Did I produce a proper invoice as FIFA required? Yes. Was the money declared to the taxman? Yes."
Behold, Juan Agudelo's amazing goal from last night's MLS playoff match. It's not the first amazing goal Agudelo has scored in his career, but it might be the best:
In Spain, Barcelona and Argentina defender Javier Mascherano admitted to tax fraud to the tune of 1.5 million euros. The fraud happened in 2011 and 2012. The court has not yet handed down his punishment. (Link in Spanish)
Public prosecutors in Spain also announced they are investigating Barcelona megastar Neymar. (Link in Spanish)
Your Correspondent's favorite legume-nicknamed athlete scored two more goals. High five, Chicharito!
You may not know this but Carnival is huge in certain parts of Germany. The country's answer to the U.S.'s Mardi Gras takes place every year in Cologne, where an enormous, drunken costume party takes place. This year, 1. FC Köln has revealed special Carnival-themed jerseys. They're very… Nutcracker. What do you think?!
Jurgen Klopp has broken his duck. Liverpool beat Bournemouth 1-0 in the League Cup. I wasn't able to watch the game, but I hear Roberto Firmino actually played well, which is maybe even better news to Liverpool fans than the actual win. Firmino was an incredible player in Germany, but he has disappointed so far at Liverpool.
Photo of the Day
Here is a photo of Formula 1 World Champion Lewis Hamilton smiling while holding a decorative human scull. He's in Mexico for the Mexican Grand Prix (and the Day of the Dead).