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Why 21st Century People Are Getting More Head

According to researchers at the University of Tennessee’s Forensic Anthropology Center, the size of white Americans’ craniums (specifically white Americans—but only because there were more of them available to study) have actually increased in size...

In the past, if somebody called you a "fathead," they were probably insulting your intelligence. (Either that or they had mistaken you for a life-size, two-dimensional decal of their favorite athlete.) These days, however, they might merely be making a nonjudgmental reference to a recent evolutionary phenomenon.

According to researchers at the University of Tennessee's Forensic Anthropology Center, the size of white Americans' craniums (specifically white Americans—but only because there were more of them available to study) have actually increased in size between the 19th and 20th century.

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“The basic thing that we observed over the course of looking at crania that belong to people born from 1820s to 1980s, is that the cranium has gotten higher and narrower," UTK professor emeritus Richard Jantz told MSNBC.

In fact, for white male skulls, the height has increased by eight millimeters, while the overall skull has grown by 200 cubic centimeters. For women, cranium height increased by seven millimeters while adding 180 cubic centimeters overall.

The conjectured explanation isn't surprising. Eating more + moving less = bigger everything—heads included. Not only that, but an increase in C-sections means that more babies whose colossal coconuts used to prevent them from escaping the birth canal are now making it into the world, allowing them to pass on their propensity for ponderous pates to their own children someday.

I, for one, am slightly concerned about this trend, if only because of its likelihood to decrease the possibility of our descendants engaging in activities that require a more diminutive dome. What are these activities, exactly? Well, I’m glad you asked! Here’s a compendium of my favorite small-skulled shenanigans. Share yours in the comments below.

Flying around in Inspector Gadget helicopter hats

Adding a natty chapeau to your outfit via the tried-and-true method of a flawless front flip

Flouncing about in custom-made banana bowlers

Running fast enough to complete a mid-race fedora exchange

Blithely taunting caged polar bears while wearing hyperealistic seal sombreros

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