4 Tips for Telling Your Dates You’re Not Looking for Anything Serious

Recent research by explorationship app Flure has found that more Gen Zers prioritize self-exploration in the dating scene today. In fact, as many as 61 percent of survey respondents said traditional dating feels outdated. Those same individuals expressed interest in relationships with fewer restrictions. 

In other words, many of today’s daters want more freedom and less commitment. 

Look, I get it: giving all of yourself to another person is scary. Not only that, but oftentimes, we find ourselves in situations where we go above and beyond to meet someone else’s needs while neglecting our own. 

Through my experiences, I’ve learned that you can’t expect others to show up the way you do. In the past, it seemed no matter how much I sacrificed to make a relationship work, I simply wasn’t getting that in return. This led to burnout, resentment, disconnect, and overall unfulfillment. 

It’s no wonder, then, that many Gen Z daters are shying away from commitment. I mean, much of society has already done so. It seems situationships are at an all-time high, and fewer people want to marry or settle down. 

There’s really no right or wrong way to feel when it comes to dating. Setting aside some time to explore what you want from a romantic relationship can be healthy and beneficial, so long as you communicate properly. 

Here are four tips for telling your dating partners you don’t want a relationship.

1. Be Honest and Upfront About Your Wants and Needs

Oftentimes, we focus too much on what we don’t want—e.g., a committed relationship—that we fail to acknowledge what we’re actually looking for. Do you want a friends-with-benefits dynamic with someone you trust, or would you rather casually go on dates with no physical intimacy, simply getting to know multiple people on an emotional level first?

“Being upfront about the kind of connection you’re open to helps avoid assumptions and mismatched expectations,” said Psychologist Leah Levi from Flure. “It also shows maturity because you’re being intentional about your time and theirs. You’re not being cold or clinical.”

She added that this type of communication helps to build trust, which is integral in any form of relationship. 

2. Communicate Before Physical Intimacy

Contrary to how society might make you feel, there’s nothing wrong with not being ready for commitment. Sometimes, to really discover ourselves, we need to take our time and casually date to better understand ourselves and our desires.

However, this does not mean you should go around leading people on or taking advantage of their feelings for you. Communication is crucial, especially when physical intimacy is involved.

“If you know you’re not looking for anything serious, that needs to be talked through before things get physical, and not after,” said Levi. “Sex often accelerates emotional attachment, especially if you’re spending quality time together beforehand. It’s unfair to let someone assume there’s potential for more when you know there isn’t.”

3. Be Intentional with Your Words and Actions

“Situationships” are a thing because people don’t set the proper boundaries for themselves and their partners. It’s easy to fall into this dynamic, where one person is hoping for something more and the other is taking advantage of their vulnerability, if you’re not being intentional with your words and actions.

“You can’t tell someone you’re not interested in commitment, then act like their partner and expect them not to get confused,” Levi explained. “Rethink behaviors that fall into ‘relationship mode’ territory, like texting constantly or becoming their emotional crutch. Yes, you can care about someone and still not want to be with them long-term, but if your actions contradict your words, guess what they’ll believe? The actions.”

If you want to explore yourself through your dating experiences, that’s completely valid. But you must hold yourself accountable when other people’s emotions are involved. Your wants, needs, and feelings are not the only ones that matter.

“Show up consistently with the energy you say you’re offering,” Levi said. “Casual doesn’t mean careless, but it also doesn’t mean deep emotional investment disguised as something chill.”

4. Frequently Check In With Your Partner(s)

You might think an initial conversation about expectations is enough, but if you’re becoming increasingly intimate with someone, you should check in with them—and yourself—regularly. 

“Sometimes people say, ‘Yeah, I’m fine with casual,’ when they hope to change your mind,” Levi says.

And while it’s not necessarily your responsibility to read between the lines, you should have enough empathy to continue these hard conversations as your connection deepens.

“They may think they can ‘handle it’ until they catch feelings, and by then, things are already messy,” Levi explained. “Don’t hide behind the fact that you ‘told them once and there’s no need to go through it again.’ Relationships, committed or not, require ongoing communication.”