Miss Piggy's Guide to Being a Rockstar
Image via PR

Miss Piggy's Guide to Being a Rockstar

The best-dressed Muppet spoke to us about preparing for her greatest challenge yet: performing at London's O2 Arena.
Lauren O'Neill
London, GB

The meaning of the word “iconic” has been diluted. Where it may have previously been reserved for god-tier scenarios (stuff like Whitney Houston's Super Bowl national anthem performance, or Woodstock, or Courtney Love snarling down the camera lens in Hole’s “Violet” video), the word has now entered the slipstream of the internet’s – and, therefore, my own – regular vocabulary, almost rendering it useless, or at the very least ironic. For example: if I manage to get of bed before 12PM when hungover, it’s iconic; if I have fake chicken nuggets and beans for dinner three nights in a row, that’s iconic too.

Advertisement

While this is, of course, top banter, it is also a bit of a shame. Because when the occasion really does call for a word like “icon,” I end up feeling a bit at a loss – there are, after all, some true legends for whom “icon” is the only appropriate descriptor, and I recently had the pleasure of interviewing one. Her name is Miss Piggy, she’s been in showbiz since 1976.

More provocative than Madonna, with vocal skills to rival Céline Dion, and a business mind that would put Bill Gates to shame, Miss Piggy is the definition of a polymath. Rising to fame as part of The Muppets, her tempestuous romance with co-star Kermit the Frog under the media microscope, Piggy has gained respect in all industries. For her unshakeable self-confidence, she has become a much-admired emblem for body-positive and fat-positive communities; for her championing of leopard print, she is bonafide fashion maven. And now, despite outclassing all of them (even the Frog), Piggy has deigned to join The Muppets for their first ever European shows, which will take place at (where else?) London’s O2 Arena in July, adding another profession to a list as long as her wig: rockstar.

When offered the chance to interview Piggy (she answered via email, as she couldn’t meet due to implementing a four-week beauty regime ahead of the Royal Wedding), I was curious about the new (bejewelled, six-inch platform heeled) shoes she was stepping into. How does being a rockstar feel? Does she have any road stories? And crucially: what’s on her rider? Miss Piggy, of course, had all the answers:

Advertisement

Noisey: Hello Miss Piggy. It is an honour.
Miss Piggy: Yes, it is… isn’t it?

Now that you're touring live, you're kind of a rockstar… as well as an internationally beloved model, businesswoman and style maven.
Don’t forget diva, actress, chanteuse, karate master, fashion muse, and close personal friend to the Royal Family.

Yes, all that too. So, how does it feel to add another string to your long bow?
Exhausting… but extremely gratifying. Moi knows that with each new string I add to my bow, I am inspiring others to achieve all that they can in their lives. And besides, I look fabulous in bows. I'm sure you've toured lots of times before – what are your wildest stories from the road?
Riding on a tour bus with the other Muppets is no fun, especially when there are chickens nesting in the overhead compartment. Oh sure, you get fresh eggs for breakfast, but I prefer mine cooked, not cracked over my head! And have you ever tried to check in to a hotel with the Electric Mayhem Band? Ever since Animal passed Keith Moon’s record for “Most Trashed Hotel Rooms,” we can’t get lodging anywhere. But it’s all worth it once I get up on stage. Still, if I can get the venue to pick up the tab, I always fly by private jet.

Nothing but the best. Though I'm sure a pro like yourself doesn't get nervous, how do you prepare for a live performance?
Oh, I still get nervous before a performance. I feel I owe it to my fans to sit backstage and wonder “Will I be as wonderful as always?” (The answer is “YES!!!”) But most of my preparation involves personal appearance – hair, make-up, wardrobe, accessorising, pose-striking, et cetera. Fortunately, I don’t have to face this alone, I have a dedicated team of stylists, make-up artist, hairdressers and shoe-shoppers who work around the clock to make sure whenever I step on stage I stop the show.

Advertisement

Do you have a rider? What's on it?
A rider? No. I usually travel alone… Oh, wait, you mean a contract rider! Do I have one? Believe you me, sister, it’s a doozy. In addition to listing what I do want in my dressing room (e.g: chocolate, flowers, jewellery, mirrors, sycophants), I also list what I don’t want (e.g: goats, tofu, paparazzi, haggis, etc). For the complete list of what’s in my contract rider, just try booking me for an appearance.

Do you try to emulate anyone onstage? Who are your personal rockstar heroes?
I adore Adele, Lady Gaga, Beyoncé and Dua Lipa – who I’m sure would be quick to tell you that they, too, absolutely idolise moi. And of course Tina Turner and I are two of a kind. And that Jagger fellow still has the moves. And I’ll also throw in Zayn Malik and Ed Sheeran too, since they’re both good friends – and their names trend well on social media.

Smart. What advice would you give to any aspiring divas and rockstars?
Be yourself. As Oscar Wilde said: “Everyone else is already taken”. You have to figure out who you are and what you want to say to the world. (Personally, my message is “Pay Attention To Moi”. But I’m sure you can come up with something that works for you.) Then surround yourself with people who believe in you and can make a lot of noise when you go out on stage. There you have it: you’re a rock star! Oh yes, one other thing: if vous and moi ever share a stage, remember – I sing lead, you sing back-up.

Noted. Thanks, Miss Piggy!

Follow Lauren on Twitter.

This article originally appeared on Noisey UK.