So you take a hand and push it into an orifice that’s generally smaller than a hand and that’s fisting. And most people are like “yuck,” even though fisting isn’t that much objectively weirder than regular, garden-variety sex. But the mechanics and implied violence turns people off, and so fisting has a stigma.
But for many, the stigma is unwarranted and fisting is a joy. So, for the sake fostering honest and stigma-free conversations around sex in all its variously human forms, we spoke to four people who enjoy it. Both giving, as well as receiving.
They spoke about how they discovered fisting, how it feels, and why it’s their thing. And some names have been changed because they don't want their friends and family knowing.
My first fisting experience was by myself. I had no idea what I was doing. It wasn’t like I woke up and decided, today I will fist myself. I just thought that if I could take my boyfriend’s dick inside my vagina, then why not use my own hand? So I started with regular masturbation with one or two fingers, but that day, I don’t know why, I used all my fingers until eventually I had the best orgasm in my life. Since then I’ve just kept chasing that feeling.
The sad part of fisting is that you can’t do it properly by yourself. You need someone else, which is better anyway. I enjoy a whole arm inside my vagina for the same reason it's good to have a tongue inside your mouth or inside your ear. It's just pleasure. Everything in life is about seeking pleasure, and I just love feeling like my pussy is eating my boyfriend’s arm. That turns me on, but it’s also about power.
I feel empowered and fierce when my boyfriend is fisting me. That’s because I’m the one who asks for it. I am the one who controls the intensity. I am the one who gives the orders and sometimes I even slap his face while he is inside me. On the other hand, when we are in a regular fuck, he’s the one in control of the situation. I don’t know why, but that’s just how it works for us.
I guess for me, fisting is part of rediscovering my sexuality. I’m a middle-aged woman who works as a teacher and I lost my virginity to my first husband. Then, after his death, I thought my sexual life had been buried with him. But I’ve decided to be happy and to do whatever I want with my life, and mostly with my vagina. I think the reason people don’t talk openly about fisting is that they're hypocrites and conservatives. Fisting is not a monster that needs to be hidden inside a dark bedroom. I would love to have this conversation with my sister or with my closest friends, but they would judge me for sure. They think sexuality is boring and can't be creative. I feel kind of sorry for them.
Fashion designer, 28
This is the first time that I’ve been asked about fisting without being bought a drink (laughing). Okay, so personally I like to receive, and I definitely wouldn’t stick my hand in a butthole. Actually, I tried that once but it wasn’t my thing. I’m a bottom. I am very bottom. In fact, I don't think I’ve ever known someone who likes both. Generally, people do one position and one position only.
Fisting basically feels like having an extremely big dick inside your ass. First you think that it won't fit, but once it’s in there, you feel like the luckiest person in the world. Can I give you a piece of advice? Try it at least once and then tell me how boring your sexual life was before that.
I’ve never counted, but I think I’ve been fisted more than 20 times. And each time was with a different guy, because I’ve always blocked them after sex. They all came from hookup apps, like Hornet or Grindr. I don’t think I’d ask a boyfriend or someone I know to fist me because they’d think I’m too kinky. Also fisting is something I only do when I’m high. I love coke. Not just in my nose, but also inside my ass, because it makes the experience of being fisted so much more comfortable. So I usually meet guys in hookup apps, we do drugs, then I clean my asshole, and we fuck.
One time I forgot to douche myself properly. I’d drank a lot that night, and I wasn’t okay, but I asked this freak guy from Hornet to come over and fist fuck me. Now I want you to picture a scene from the movie American Beauty, the one with the blond actress lying on a bed of red roses. And now substitute all those flowers for shit. That’s what happened. And I really wish that guy could forgive me for that awful experience and I hope to never see him again.
Male escort, 27
I’ve never been fisted—I don't work as a bottom—but I’ve certainly done some fisting. Most clients normally just want plain good sex, but the ones who want to be fisted usually have a very specific kind of fetish. And I’d say how often I get asked for fisting depends on the local gay culture and community. I think I'd be requested to fist people more if I lived in Europe, for example. And I've never been asked by a woman. I think it's a guy thing. In my experience, it’s the guys who want to take their sex game to another level.
I don't think fisting required any kind of special preparation. I just try to be slow and careful so I don’t break anything. The main thing is you need lube. Lots of lube. And enjoy it. Sometimes I start playing with my fingers inside the person's butthole and that makes me hard. And some people can only take it to the wrist. Some will take it mid-arm, others take it all the way up to my elbow. I'm not the one who decides. But you’d be surprised how big a rectal cavity is. You can put an arm in there just fine without harming other organs.
Then, when the time's up, I go take a shower. Since I wear gloves or put a condom over my arm, it's all clean but still, I usually want a shower. And if you’re wondering, yes, everything stretches back to normal. It's all just muscle back there. Some people are tighter than others, but everyone bounces back
I’m not sure what advice I can offer. Maybe just that if you feel like trying it, just do it. Pick someone who'll be patient and kind. Getting fist fucked for the first time is quite an experience and you should feel safe. Try not to feel restrained by some kind of moral conflict or fear. Just let your pleasure do the talking.
The last time I was fisted was in December. I just remember looking at a Christmas tree while my ex-boyfriend fisted me, and then I fisted him. Both ways can easily make me cum, but I prefer being fisted. It’s a unique feeling. But I hate that my partner has to wear gloves, because they’re uncomfortable. I’m on PrEP now, so I never use condoms in a regular fuck, but I have to use them when I’m fisting.
Fisting has its benefits. Like taking a poo afterwards—it’s fluid, it’s liberating, it’s lovely! But I tell you this because for the first time you’ll be terrified of pooping during action. But then after sex, it’s liberating to take a dump knowing you didn’t poo anywhere you weren't supposed to.
I think the craziest thing that ever happened to me was a guy asking if he could stick his phone inside my ass. He was planning on filming my insides, like a sex tape. And I was curious and horny so I said, “Okay, let’s do it, but be careful.” So, we tried it but it came out too dark. Maybe the camera on his phone wasn’t good enough to produce some good ass art.
I’ve tried talking openly about fisting a couple of times, but it’s like bringing up veganism at a barbecue—every time you mention veganism someone rolls their eyes. That’s how I felt talking about fisting, so I gave up. I would love to more open about it though. I believe that the more we talk, the more we can demystify this, as well as kink in general.
Follow Felippe on Instagram
This article originally appeared on VICE AU.
This article originally appeared on VICE AU.