What the New ‘Game of Thrones’ Trailer Taught Us About the Conservative Leadership Race

At long last, the Conservative party leadership race will reach its dramatic conclusion this weekend in Toronto. Canadians will finally know which federal Tory will get to make the case in 2019 that they will do a better job than Justin Trudeau at awkwardly standing next to eternal president Donald Trump at an international summit while he juggles various orbs.

Because—amazingly—all 40 candidates stayed in the race right up until the very end except the one guy who people actually recognized, the question remains: who is it going to be? Will Maxime Bernier be leading the Conservative party on a crusade to get the federal government out of healthcare? Will there be a backroom intrigue upset that puts Andrew Scheer in charge, for some reason? Is this Rick Peterson's improbable time to shine?

Many pundits and pollsters and political science types are hazarding educated guesses based on "analysis." But true wisdom lies in acknowledging the suprarational nature of the partisan group-mind, and that it can only be truly understood by tapping into the equally suprarational mind of cosmic consciousness. We can't use science to know the future; we must use divination.

There are lots of options here, but my resources are pretty limited. I don't have a copy of the I Ching and I am still working on learning the Qabalistic correspondences of the Tarot—like I am just barely in the ballpark, I have a cursory understanding of the first six sefira on the Tree of Life, barely, and none of the 22 paths. But I have something even better: the new trailer for Game of Thrones season 7.

Yes: the softcore twincest dragon show contains the secret of all things. Political divination through prestige television is a relatively new practice but I believe it can be just as successful as the older models of geomancy or crystal scrying. Pop culture is dominated and dictated by the Illuminati, who communicate to us in the universal magickal symbols of the occult. I have a method for their decryption but its secrets are reserved for those adepts pledging me $20 or more a month on Patreon. Just trust me on this. The shower scenes in Oz predicted the 2005 Valerie Plame affair and the new GoT trailer reveals many insights about who will be the next person to sit on Stephen Harper's Iron Throne.

Don't laugh. Game of Thrones/right-wing politics fanfiction got Jack Prosobiec into the White House press gallery, and if that's not proof of occult power I don't know what is.

The trailer opens with a voiceover from Cersei Lannister taking stock of her political situation. Cersei and Jamie Lannister are the last remnants of the status quo that had ruled since Robert Baratheon died in the first season. They have been there since the beginning and survived a long insurrection of pretenders to the throne and even a short-lived religious coup that aimed to have a militant clergy check royal power. Cersei and Jamie are obviously Lisa Raitt and Chris Alexander—the last Harper Tories who truly embody their vanquished king's commitment to holding Conservative principles, cautiously, in the progressive bureaucratic cesspool of the federal government. Like Jamie, Alexander has had some flirtations with turning full heel but in the end he and Raitt are committed to holding the centre against the many forces threatening to pull the party apart.

They are surrounded by enemies. To the east: a brief glimpse of Grey Worm (Pierre Lemieux) and the sexually repressed armies of social conservatives he commands, looking to cross the sea and retake the traditional patrimony of their queen Daenerys Targaryen (Brad Trost). Trost is the mother of dragons, and the dragons represent both the fierce and terrifying pull of regressive social values, and also dragons are mentioned in the Bible and Trost is religious or whatever. To the west: a dark silhouette of a boat, the beastly ocean people of the Iron Islands, clearly indicating Kellie Leitch and the hardline xenophobia contingent (boats = foreign = Kellie Leitch's ideas are foreign to Canada, which is intrinsically good; the Illuminati are not subtle). To the south, someone is sharpening an axe—it's Rick Peterson, coming to chop corporate taxes to pieces and make Westeros (Canada) more like the desert kingdom of Dorn (Caribbean tax haven). And finally, to the north: a brief shot of Arya Stark (Michael Chong), making her way home to Winterfell to avenge the brutal destruction of her family (Canada's democracy).

But the Tory establishment knows it will defeat its opponents. "We are the last Lannisters… the last ones who count." This is a clear reference to their disowning of Tyrion—who is either Andrew Scheer or Erin O'Toole, it's difficult to discern, as they are both functionally the same guy who has gone over to the populist side just enough to be legit among the insurrectionists but who is also canny and enmeshed in the inner workings of Ottawa to be good at intrigue. (This could also be a reference to Varys, the orb is not being very clear right now.)

Maxime Bernier is Jon Snow, unlikely champion of his people and reluctant King in the North. He has long-shunned the mantle of political power because he is committed to libertarian principles and abhors the necessary evil of big government. But he is willing to fight to protect his subjects from the twin perils of the Lannisters (the corrupt centrist establishment) and the shambling White Walkers (job-killing environmental regulations). Sansa Stark is shivering next to an open gate: she is Deepak Obhrai, her Progressive Conservative family destroyed, failed by many of those closest to her, but is also the last, best, unlikely hope against the impending convention calamity. The Onion Knight is Kevin O'Leary: he has no more horse in the race on his quest for power anymore, as his aspiring King Stannis (O'Leary's political ambition) died brutally on the battlefield despite sacrificing his child (O'Leary's dignity—the child is a symbol of enlightenment and spiritual growth, which O'Leary brutally immolated on the national stage) to the Lord of Light (Mammon). Steven Blaney and Andrew Saxton are also in here somewhere? Honestly there are more people in this race than there are Game of Thrones characters so, like, that's a giant red flag.

Anyway: the rest of the trailer highlights the inevitable and brutally violent conflict between all these different camps vying for the Iron Throne. The trailer does not reveal the outcome because that would spoil the whole thing, so the ultimate outcome remains unclear—the messages from our occult overlords are often understood perfectly only in retrospect. The centrists seem doomed to fall, and the SoCon populists definitely have the traditional claim to the party mantle. I feel like Bernier has the momentum of righteousness (capitalism) behind him now, and that would probably be the most satisfying and straightforward ending to all this. But Michael Chong—he's a wildcard. Taking vengeance for the death of parliamentary democracy in Canada could be a big crowd pleaser too, and the writers (Illuminati) for this show definitely love a dramatic twist (e.g. Belinda Stronach's "Red Wedding" to Peter MacKay).

It is not for us to know yet what the outcome will be. We will all have to stay tuned to find out who gets got on Thrones.

Follow Drew Brown on Twitter, nerds.