On Friday, Kim Kardashian revealed that she and her husband, Kanye West, had decided to name their newborn son Psalm. They didn’t specify why, exactly, they went fully Old Testament for their fourth child, but even those of us who only pick up a Bible when we’re looking for the remote control at a Hampton Inn can recognize that it’s a weighty name.
“Psalm West,” was all she wrote on Twitter, attaching a photo of the sleeping baby, along with a screenshot of a text from ‘Ye that said “We are blessed beyond measure. We have everything we need.” She followed that with several video clips of the choirs singing at Kanye’s weekly-for-now Sunday Service, which she called “magical,” along with a purple cross emoji and a set of prayer hands. Magical or not, that whole blissed out and “blessed beyond measure” thing lasted for, like, 12 hours, until she went full R E V E L A T I O N S on Jack in the Box.
“Hey, Jack In The Box I have a serious complaint but I won’t fully put you on blast, check your corporate email inbox or send me a DM with direct person for my team to contact. Pronto!” she rage-typed. Thirty minutes later, she wrote a second tweet. “I would like to add that this is not about me or a wrong order,” she said. “Nobody recognized me and it’s something that I observed that affected other customers at this particular location that was concerning.”
The concerning part was mentioning that “no one recognized [her]” at a Jack in the Box. The other concerning part is using the word “Pronto!” in that context. And the other-other concerning part is that after she didn’t get an extremely pronto response from the corporate team, she responded by telling her 60-million-plus followers that she had an issue with a fast food chain. (Getting an extremely pronto response from a corporate office in near-impossible, Kim.)
Despite putting the restaurant on partial blast, she hasn’t revealed what the issue was, but unless she overheard a vengeful God threatening to smite anyone who actually used the word “Brunchfast,” there’s no way it deserved this kind of response. (Somebody’s oversized styrofoam head is getting kicked down the hallway at the corporate office as we speak.)
The response to Kardashian’s tweet covered the full spectrum of human emotions. “Biggest “Can I speak to the manager” flex ever,” one man wrote. “[T]his is a ridiculous use of your platform in an environment where women are literally being propositioned life sentences for choosing what to do with their bodies. But go on about this fast food travesty,” another wrote. And, in perhaps the surest sign that it’s time for another Great Flood or whatever, Jack in the Box shares fell slightly on Monday after Kardashian’s tweets.
To its eternal credit, Jack in the Box responded within an acceptably pronto 30-ish minutes. “Hi Kim, we are unable to DM you,” it tweeted. “Please send us a DM with how we can get in touch with your team & someone will reach out immediately.”
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,” Psalm 34:18 reads. Open your DMs and take a seat, Kim. We’re pretty sure that one’s meant for Jack in the Box.