What's Gone On This Week: Brexit Mania Finally Makes Its Way Overseas

Welcome to "Pub Notes", a new column where NEO – AKA @WELCOME_ZIDANE – spoon-feeds you opinions about the three biggest UK stories of the week, so you don't miss any heated debates down the pub or around the coffee table at 4AM tomorrow.

IF BREXIT ISN’T MAKING CAMBRIDGE ACADEMICS GET OUT THEIR BRISTOLS ON MORNING TV, IT’S GOT OUR EUROPEAN NEIGHBOURS CREATING FUCKING BREXIT MASCOTS THAT LOOK LIKE THE NIGHT KING GOT HIS HANDS ON THE HONEY MONSTER.

WHILST THE UK GOVERNMENT DOESN’T SEEM TO HAVE ANY FUCKING CLUE WHAT BREXIT IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE THE DUTCH GOVERNMENT HAVE EMBODIED IT FOR US IN THE FORM OF A GIANT BLUE CUNT SPRAWLING ANNOYINGLY ACROSS YOUR WORKSPACE AND PREVENTING YOU GETTING ANY WORK DONE. THE NETHERLANDS FOREIGN MINISTER, STEF BLOK HAS USED A LIGHT-HEARTED WAY OF WARNING BUSINESSES ABOUT THE IMPACT BREXIT WILL HAVE ON HOLLAND AS HE TWEETED OF A PICTURE OF HIMSELF APPEARING EXASPERATED AT THE PRESENCE OF THE MASCOT AS HE LIED ACROSS HIS DESK SPORTING A WHITE T-SHIRT EMBLAZONED WITH THE WORD “BREXIT” IN BIG RED LETTERS AND WHAT I BELIEVE TO BE BLACK SLIM-FIT JEANS.

“MAKE SURE BREXIT DOESN’T GET – OR LIE – IN YOUR WAY” READS THE TAG-LINE.

THE DUTCH FOREIGN MINISTER ENCOURAGED DUTCH COMPANIES TO DO A FULL “BREXIT SCAN” OF THEIR BUSINESS AND CALCULATE THE IMPACT IT’LL HAVE ON THEIR COMPANY AND MEASURES THEY CAN TAKE TO LESSEN THE IMPACT USING THE GOVERNMENT WEBSITE. THE NETHERLANDS IS APPARENTLY ONE OF THE BEST-PREPARED COUNTRIES IN THE WHOLE OF THE EU FOR BREXIT, HENCE I IMAGINE HOW THEY HAD THE TIME TO CREATE AN ENORMOUS BLUE SHITHOUSE THAT PERSONIFIES JUST HOW FUCKING ANNOYING AS FUCK BREXIT IS AS PART OF A €100M PREPARATION PROGRAMME FROM THE DUTCH GOVERNMENT. THIS APPARENTLY INCLUDES A MAJOR PUBLIC INFORMATION CAMPAIGN OF NEWSPAPER ADS AND RHYMING RADIO JINGLES AND WILL APPARENTLY SHOW THE BREXIT MONSTER “PHYSICALLY FRUSTRATING DUTCH BUSINESSES” AND GETTING IN THE WAY OF “TRUCKS AND PRODUCTION LINES”.

DESPITE THE NETHERLANDS GOVERNMENT’S CONCERNS OVER BREXIT, THEY ACTUALLY STAND TO PROFIT FROM IT WITH OVER 40 MAJOR COMPANIES ALREADY HAVING MOVED TO THEIR EUROPEAN HEADQUARTERS FROM LONDON TO THE AMSTERDAM, WITH THE DUTCH AUTHORITIES SAYING THEY “ARE IN TALKS WITH 250 OTHERS” WHO ARE CONSIDERING DOING THE SAME. AT THIS POINT ALL YOU CAN SAY IS “FAIR PLAY” AS THEY SIMULTANEOUSLY MOCK THE UK WHILE RAIDING OUR BUSINESSES, LIKE A CLOG-WEARING OMAR LITTLE.

AT LEAST THIS LARGE OBSTRUCTIVE EURO-STYLE DICKHEAD MR BLOBBY CAUSING MASS UPHEAVAL AND DISTURBANCE MIGHT INURE US TO THE BREXIT CHAOS.

THE SHADOW CHANCELLOR MCDONNELL HAS CALLED SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL A "VILLAIN" OVER HIS ROLE IN SENDING IN THE ARMY TO SHOOT STRIKING WELSH MINERS IN 1910. WHEN ASKED AT A POLITICO WEBSITE EVENT FOR A ONE-WORD ANSWER ON WHETHER CHURCHILL WAS A HERO OR VILLAIN HE REPLIED: “TONYPANDY – VILLAIN”.

THIS PROMPTED A CHORUS OF CRITICISM, SIR NICHOLAS SOAMES DESCRIBED MCDONNELL’S REMARK AS “A VERY FOOLISH AND STUPID THING TO SAY” AND THE MP FOR MID SUSSEX WHO IS LITERALLY CHURCHILL’S GRANDSON MADE AN ON-BRAND JIBE SEEPED IN CLASSISM: "I THINK MY GRANDFATHER'S REPUTATION CAN WITHSTAND A PUBLICITY-SEEKING ASSAULT FROM A THIRD-RATE, POUNDLAND LENIN".

MCDONNELL’S FELLOW LABOUR MP IAN AUSTIN TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO POST A PICTURE OF WHAT AT FIRST GLANCE APPEARED TO BE A PORCELAIN MODEL OF COLONEL SANDERS, WHICH ACTUALLY TURNED OUT BE TO BE WINSTON CHURCHILL, WHOM HE SAID “TAKES PRIDE OF PLACE ON MY MANTELPIECE IN DUDLEY” SEEMINGLY CHANNELING HIS DISGUST AT JOHN MCDONNELL FOR GOING AGAINST THE TRUE VALUES OF THE LABOUR PARTY BY STICKING UP FOR THE WORKING CLASSES.

BORIS JOHNSON TWEETED “WINSTON CHURCHILL SAVED THIS COUNTRY AND THE WHOLE OF EUROPE” WHICH WOULD NO DOUBT SURPRISE THE 20 MILLION-PLUS RUSSIANS WHO DIED FIGHTING NAZI GERMANY IN THE WAR. THIS IDEA THAT IT WAS US (OR AS THEY LIKE TO IMPLY, JUST CHURCHILL) THAT DEFEATED THE NAZIS IS GROSSLY DELUDED. IT WASN’T THE UNION FLAG GETTING RAISED OVER THE REICHSTAG IN 1945 DESPITE HOW MANY TIMES BORIS HAS TRIED ON MICROSOFT PAINT TO PASTE IT OVER THE SOVIET FLAG AS A TEENAGER.

ASKED ABOUT HIS COMMENTS LATER JOHN MCDONNELL TOLD ITV NEWS THAT CHURCHILL “WAS OBVIOUSLY A HERO DURING THE SECOND WORLD WAR BUT THERE WAS ANOTHER SIDE TO CHURCHILL” SAYING THAT MANY WORKING CLASS PEOPLE HAD BEEN ANGRY ABOUT HIS ACTIONS AS HOME SECRETARY AND ADDED: “IF IT'S PROMPTED A MORE ROUNDED DEBATE ABOUT CHURCHILL'S ROLE, WELL I WELCOME IT.”

AS I’M SURE MCDONNELL REALISES UPON OPENING HIS 37 TH DEATH-THREAT EMAIL OF HIS EVENING THERE IS NO ROUNDED DEBATE TO BE HAD ABOUT CHURCHILL OR THE EMPIRE. CRITICISM OF OUR “GREATEST BRITON” IS UNPALATABLE BECAUSE HE REPRESENTS IMPERIALIST SUPER-POWER BRITAIN AND THE WAR AND ULTIMATELY THE LAST TIME BRITAIN MATTERED TO ANY CUNT ACROSS THE WORLD. LIKE SOME TWAT DOWN THE PUB TALKING ABOUT THEIR “GLORY DAYS”, IF YOU TAKE THAT AWAY FROM THEM, THERE WON’T BE FUCK ALL LEFT.

NHS AGEISM IS BLOCKING OLDER PEOPLE'S ACCESS TO TALKING THERAPIES ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH. THE REVIEW PUBLISHED IN THE BRITISH JOURNAL OF GENERAL PRACTICE SAYS “AGEIST STEREOTYPES” AMONG GPS, THERAPISTS AND NURSES MEANT THEY TOO OFTEN ASSUMED OLDER PEOPLE WOULD BE “UNWILLING TO CHANGE” OR UNINTERESTED IN TALKING THERAPIES.

RESEARCHERS SAID GPS ARE GIVING OVER-65S TOO MANY ANTIDEPRESSANTS WHEN THEY ARE STRUGGLING WITH DEPRESSION AND SHOULD BE PRESCRIBING TALKING THERAPIES FAR MORE OFTEN. THE CONCLUSIONS IN THE REPORT ARE BASED AROUND EVIDENCE COLLATED FROM 27 STUDIES DONE IN WESTERN COUNTRIES INTO HOW HEALTH PROFESSIONALS DEAL WITH PATIENTS OVER 65 WHO HAVE DEPRESSION.

THEY INDICATE EVEN THOUGH TALKING THERAPIES HELP PEOPLE 65 OR OLDER WITH DEPRESSION, THEY ARE TWICE AS LIKELY AS YOUNG PEOPLE TO BE TREATED WITH ANTIDEPRESSANTS. ANOTHER ISSUE INHIBITING OLDER PEOPLE’S ACCESS TO PSYCHOLOGICAL THERAPIES IS THE HIGHLY VARIABLE ACCESS THROUGHOUT DIFFERENT AREAS OF THE UK AND MANY FACE A "POSTCODE LOTTERY" (BUT NOT THE ONE THEY LIKE).

MANY HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS FELT THAT DEPRESSION IN OLDER PEOPLE WAS OFTEN ASSOCIATED WITH SOCIAL ISOLATION AND PHYSICAL DECLINE AND “THE COMPLEX NEEDS OF MANY OLDER ADULTS MEANT THAT THEY OFTEN HAD TO FOCUS ON ADDRESSING PHYSICAL PROBLEMS LIKE FRAILTY”.

THE REPORT SAYS THE OLDER GENERATION’S FEARS OF BEING “STIGMATIZED” FOR SEEKING HELP REGARDING MENTAL HEALTH AND THE CYNICISM THAT NOTHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT THEIR CONDITION PLAY A PART BUT SUGGEST THAT SOME GPS ARE FAILING TO ACT ON CUES SUGGESTING THAT OVER-65S WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEIR MENTAL HEALTH AND OFTEN APPOINTMENTS ARE USED TO DISCUSS PHYSICAL HEALTH RATHER MENTAL WELLBEING.

WE ALL HAVE AN OLD RELATIVES WHO THINK TAKING PENICILLIN IS FOR “WIMPS” AND HAVING YOUR APPENDIX TAKEN OUT IS “SOFT” SO IT’S NOT HARD TO IMAGINE THEM THINKING MENTAL HEALTH IS SOMETHING AS “NEWFANGLED” AS TALKING THERAPY WOULD FIX ANYTHING BUT WITH FOUR IN TEN PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 75 SUFFERING SOME SIGNS OF DEPRESSION, OUR TREATMENT OF THE ELDERLY NEEDS TO IMPROVE SIGNIFICANTLY.

WHILST THE NHS AND IT’S PATIENTS ALIKE ARE BEING NEGLECTED, OUR HEALTH MINISTER, STEPHEN HAMMON HAS TOLD US THIS WEEK THAT THE UK GOVERNMENT IS “STOCKPILING” BODY BAGS FOR US AHEAD OF BREXIT. I GUESS US NOT HAVING TO TOP AND TAIL AT THE MORGUE IS THE CLOSEST THING TO A SOLUTION WE ARE GOING TO GET FROM THESE CUNTS.

@WELCOME_ZIDANE