Are you capable of communicating honestly and openly? – Yes – No
You are called for your first dick appointment; how’s it going down?
How would you describe your sense of humour?
Morgan, 26, agrees. Like others in this piece, she’s turned dating into an organisational system that management accountants would foam at the mouth for – and has asked to remain anonymous for privacy reasons. After spending three and half years single up north, Morgan moved to London and had 12 dates in ten days, the sign of a true optimised-dating champion. “On the last day, I had an afternoon date at the Tate and another one by the canal for drinks that evening,” she says. It was this whimsical Thames water date that sealed it for Morgan – the date ended up lasting three days and they’ve been together for six months. So really, all it took was 18 days, a thorough filtering system and extreme time management skills to find the man of her dreams. Her approach was simple: She signed up for Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble and always aimed to have dates arranged within a week – “I wasn’t looking for pen pals,” continues Morgan. She also axed anyone that was overtly sexual too soon, anyone with “weird vibes” and, most importantly, anyone that spoke in riddles. “Online dating becomes a paradox of choice,” viral psychotherapist and author Tasha Bailey tells VICE, when asked why can be bothered for such extremes. “We look for an action plan to navigate it by trying to gain some control. This plan can give us some calm and clarity over the chaos of the dating world and just how fatiguing it is to navigate.” Bailey describes this as “dating paralysis". It’s common to feel like there’s an endless supply of people to date, but so few to build and nurture a proper relationship with. Perhaps this is down to the mere illusion of choice – half of the single Brits on apps are actually on there for an ego boost or casual fling, according to eHarmony. Filtering and optimising dating becomes paramount in the search for genuine love, but Bailey also believes it touches on something else deeper – the overwhelming threat of getting burned.
“I wasn’t looking for pen pals.” —Morgan