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I Lasered My Floor Clean With the Dyson V12 Detect Slim Vacuum

The brand's most compact, intelligent cordless vacuum has laser illumination tech to help you get an incredibly precise clean.
Review: I Tried The New Dyson V12 Detect Slim
Composite by Vice Staff 

I admire anyone who enjoys the act of doing chores. After a long, hard day, the last thing I want to do is deal with the pile of clothes on the end of my bed, or spray down the kitchen countertops. I’m already a mess, and mess plus mess definitely does not equal clean. Many of my friends tell me that they reserve Sunday as their designated cleaning, but my Sundays are sacred, and I try not to lift a finger—it’s called the day of rest for a reason.  

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Of all the chores, vacuuming is among the ones I dread most. Cleaning the bathroom definitely wins the prize for being the absolute worst, but at least I can make it slightly less depressing by blasting my high-BPM curated Spotify playlists, or using a Scrub Daddy that will smile back at me when my head is hovering over the toilet bowl. Unfortunately, I don’t think there are any smiling vacuums on the market, but thinking about the brand Dyson and their lightweight, easy-to-use machines might be the next best thing, since the brand is known for its powerful, sleek status appliances. 

If you're not familiar with Dyson, I hate to break it to you, but you've been living under a rock. The brand offers some of the best dust-sucking technology out there, and its name alone has become synonymous with high-end vacuums, blow dryers, and other air-manipulating gadgetry. This reputation is why when I heard that it had released a new model, I just had to get my hands on the V12 Detect Slim immediately. Even before I got it out of the box, I had already watched a ton of TikToks with thousands of views, demonstrating the raw power of this long boi. The V12 is a media sensation, and I hoped it would turn me into a bona fide person-who-genuinely-enjoys-cleaning.  

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$649.99$549.99 at Dyson

$649.99$549.99 at Dyson

What is the V12 Detect Slim?

The Dyson V12 Detect Slim is the brand's most compact, intelligent cordless vacuum, and one thing that sets it apart is its laser illumination technology, to help you get an incredibly precise clean. It comes with five attachment heads: a laser slim fluffy head, a motor bar cleaner, a hair screw tool, a crevice tool, and a two-in-one combination tool that scrubs and sucks. Daddy Dyson is a tech-savvy genius, with its built-in LCD screen that shows the number of particles sucked up via bar graph (gross, but cool); which cleaning mode you’re using (eco, auto, or boost); the battery’s remaining run time; and filter and blockage information. It has a super lightweight body clocking in at 5.2 pounds, which makes cleaning feel like a breeze. Run time on a single charge is only 60 minutes, but that relatively short battery life is canceled out by its lightning-speed charging abilities. (It takes about four hours to fully recharge, but can function at any charge percentage.) It comes with a wall-hanging docking station so you get convenient storage while you charge this baby between uses.

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First impressions

I’ll be honest; I had extremely high expectations for this machine. Dyson makes some of the best vacuums on the market, and with its high price point, I’ve come to expect quality. This model just launched and has already landed a 4.7 star rating on its website. One reviewer wrote that they “will never be without a Dyson again,” and continued: “I now feel no dread, and actually the opposite, a bit of delight, when it’s time to vacuum! The laser is amazing, and makes me feel so accomplished because I can see all the dog hair I’m sucking up.” I feel so emotionally connected to this person. 

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What’s amazing about the Dyson V12 Detect Slim

The fact that this Dyson model is so light and aesthetically pleasing really does it for me. It feels like an ice cube gliding across the floor when I use it. I’m also a huge fan of mood lighting, and when using the main slim fluffy cleaner head, a green laser illuminates the floor, revealing microscopic dust, hair, and other grossness I hadn’t even noticed. My hardwood floor was filled with strands and bits of hair (I have a long mane), dust, and snack particles from my late-night cravings, and I swear it sucked up every last speck with a simple swipe across the floor. The proof was there once I took a glance at the ejecting dust bin. This Dyson massively delivered, and blew my little circular robot vacuum out of water. Lights out, dust-suckers out—it’s time to party spic and span

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I have some small carpets that have been in incredibly bad shape for a while. I’ve tried using my roommate’s upright vacuum that probably weighs about 30 pounds to clean them, and my poor carpets always end up getting partially sucked up into the machine. I’m excited to officially announce that my carpets have been successfully stripped of hair and fuzz, with the motor bar cleaner’s 43 detangling vanes that actually clear wrapped hair from the brush while it works (!!), while also getting some serious love from the V12’s hair screw tool with its anti-tangle brush. And to get hard-to-reach spots that I wouldn't be caught dead trying to clean out with my hand, the crevice tool absolutely saved me. It’s tubular in shape, so you can stick it anywhere, like under the refrigerator. I don’t know about you, but I don’t even want to look under there. Thankfully, the two-in-one wide combination tool can fit most hard-to-reach places as well, and includes a brush to scrub any gunk off the floor. 

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TL;DR: My boyfriend is insanely envious of this dust-sucker, but too bad—it’s all mine. I’ve sent videos of it working its magic and he’s seething. It’s the best vacuum I’ve ever used, and you’d be a fool not to take the plunge and cop. The Dyson V12 Detect Slim is so amazing, I’m planning on putting my robot vacuum up for sale on Facebook marketplace immediately. 

Dust bunnies, beware. 

The V12 Detect Slim vacuum is available at Dyson and Amazon.


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