Everybody watches porn. So why can’t we, as a society, just fess up and say “Yeah, I watch porn – I love it”? The days of being able to speak about porn, pleasure and anything else to do with sex without a burning sense of shame feel a long way off. Instead, the UK has a deeply repressed population, a proposed age verification system for adult content that’s riddled with security issues and MPs watching porn in the House of Commons. Surely, there must be a better way? This week, resident VICE columnist and noted porn fan Megan Barton-Hanson teaches us how to have a healthier relationship to adult content. You can read her previous column for VICE here.
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Porn shouldn’t be the first and only place young people can go to find information about sex
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Figure out your own relationship with porn
Explore, explore, explore
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Normalise talking about porn to your partner and mates
Don’t watch it in public… like parliament, for example
Get your partner involved
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Talking about it with your partner can also make it a more positive experience if you’re struggling with porn addiction, or you’re not feeling sexually fulfilled in your relationship. Rather than obsessing over videos alone in the bathroom or before bed or at work, ask your partner what kind of porn they like watching, or what they’re into right now. You might be watching the same stuff, for all you know! If there’s something you’re too shy to say you’re into, watching porn together can also be a good way of exploring it. One thing can lead to another and before you know it you’ll be giving it a go yourself. If you leave your laptop open and you have your porn history on there, you do have to be conscious of your partner's feelings. Young women can be particularly sensitive to that, so if you’re not ready to start talking about it openly as a couple just yet, then it’s something to be mindful of.Maybe if more people watched independently made porn, more people would feel more confident to talk about it in their social groups. Porn isn’t just a bit of the internet that you access in incognito mode for free – it can be an art form. I once did a talk at Oxford with a director called Erika Lust who makes porn that’s all about women’s pleasure, which is amazing. There definitely needs to be more porn made from the female gaze and more porn stars that cater to the female gaze, too. Owen Gray can’t keep us all going forever!@meganbartonhanson_