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Bruise Cruise Logbook - Day Three

If getting sloppy drunk in a tropical locale is your thing, then the Bruise Cruise is definitely for you.

Jessica wrote this update on the Bruise Cruise, but she didn't have Internet - here is her 3rd post, from last Saturday:

If getting sloppy drunk with a bunch of maniacs in a tropical locale is your thing, then the Bruise Cruise is definitely for you.

When we woke up it was sunny and warm in the Bahamas so we went straight up to the pool deck. The boat was docked at the port all day and a lot of people went onto the island to do things like look for drugs and ride scooters around. Some Bruisers stayed behind to chill on the boat.

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"Bruise Cruise Redu-ercise" was a bounce dance class led by Vockah Redu and crew. The routine he was teaching went as follows "Up, Down, 1, 2 clap. Booty, cat, smell. Push away yell. Oh no geta way. Oh no geta way." Each move going along with the meaning to the words - think about it. Later he has the class in a bounce conga line where he slaps each persons ass when they do it right. One of the best moments of the class was when King Kahn's kid goes down the Soul Train line and drops down to his hands to bounce. Everyone is screaming and cheering him on. The class ends in a group hug, jumping up and down chanting "Vockah! Vockah!"

Later that day the news of Whitney Houston's death was starting to spread throughout the boat. At Bruiser Karaoke there are about 10 people hanging out boozing for the afternoon. The Crutches girl from our dinner table is there as well as this dude who looks like Damian from Fucked Up. He makes a joke that he is in fact not Damian from Fucked Up. His friend Mandy totally got a dance party started with her version of Whitney's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." A moving tribute. R.I.P., girl.

The big event was the night party in Nassau at Señor Frog's, which is a tourist trap beach bum theme bar that has a sign on the door that the legal drinking age in the Bahamas is 13. What the heck - is that real?

The Togas are on - a super group who are doing covers and guess what?! wearing Togas!!! It consists of Ty Segall, Philip Sambol of the Strange Boys, Shannon Shaw of Shannon and the Clams, and Lance Wille of the Reigning Sound. The Bruise Cruise website says "They were formed over the phone…" This is Ty screaming "Helter Skelter" with a microphone in his mouth.

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Next up is Neil Hamburger, an indie comedian in the fashion of an old school lounge act with slicked back hair and a tuxedo telling cruise themed jokes and clearing his throat abrasively. My favorite joke was "when a girl fan has unprotected sex with one of the musicians what is the most disgusting thing she'll find she has the next morning? A copy of his latest album." I'm told he is really funny on Twitter - you should follow him at @NeilHamburger.

Bunny head towel guy from last night is there tying balloons around his neck. People are getting stupid and some of the kids I talked to are having a hard time forming complete thoughts or sentences. This kid from Nashville was crying on my shoulder about Whitney Houston's death and told me that the Bodyguard soundtrack was his favorite Whitney song. Then he asked me to take a photo of him and his friend where they gave me the finger.

Some other kids I talked to told me about their day in Nassau. They had a conch shell soup that really blew their minds. They were so moved that they invited the waitress to come to NYC to make it for them. She said she would come if she could stay with them and they would buy all the ingredients. They're gonna add her on Facebook.

Damian and Vockah get up on the stage to announce the Conga line they are leading is about to begin and the entire place bursts out into a wild dance party. The waiters are throwing out glow sticks to the crowd and everyone is really going bonkers.

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Damian's back up on stage, saying "this is not just the best day of all of our lives, it's also Jake's birthday." The crowd is chanting "Shot, Shot, Shot, Shot!" in a salsa rhythm while the waitress is pouring a rum-based tropical punch drink into his mouth. He can stand it for about 6 seconds and then goes in for Round 2.

Fucked Up is the headliner tonight and to start off the set Damian says "This is the best fucking tour I've ever been on." He jumps up on the bar, pulled his pants down, and poured a beer on his head. There is a bachelorette party in the corner that says "What the fuck is going on here?"

After the show we headed back to the boat. I stopped taking pictures and can't tell you anymore about what happened next. At least some of what happens on the cruise has to stay on the cruise.

I will tell you this - some dudes told us that tomorrow is going to be robe day and we are stoked to have one last day on the boat. The plan is to lay in chaise lounges all day by the pool drinking piña coladas. It's our last night on the cruise - HAVE to party.

Previously - Day Two