My gross friend who actually orders and eats Jamaican patties from Bushwick bodegas found this creepy pamphlet full of numbers and some guy in a fancy suit and pinkie ring named DePrince wielding a voodoo doll. It freaked her out so she gave it to me. I tried calling the number inside a bunch of times for a free daily blessing promised within but he never answered and he never called back. Desperate to know what all this mumbo jumbo was about (is it Sudoku? Satanism? Numerology? Crackpot refuge for a gambling addict?) I went looking for DePrince on the internet. His site led to a labyrinth of descriptions of voodoo spells, ghosts trapped inside the internet, courses and training available in London and Singapore and Paris, charms, sigils, advice from voodoo queens, oils, idols, sachets, deep trance persuasion, ten different home pages, and general cosmic promise that anyone who enters into his dizzy, fucked-up, candle-lighting, doll-poking, chicken bone-shaking world will emerge all-powerful, rich, and drenched in pussy juice. And totally, completely, thoroughly spooked.Here's the pamphletI clicked through a whole bunch of scary shit on his siteuntil I came to this imageAnd all I have to say is that if you click here and follow the steps, please, please for your own sake do not supply your home address. You don't need some witch doctor showing up at your apartment. Even one as handsome and hypnotic as this guy. And make it a good wish, OK? What happens afterward is really intense.TEEN LAQUEEFA
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