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LOS ANGELES - NAUGHTY KIDS APOCALYPSE

Alongside other breaking news, the Josephson Institute has wasted a shitload of its time and doubtless a hefty wodge of money finding out some simply stunning things about kids in America. The outcome of a survey of some 29,760 high school students by these fucking geniuses revealed that kids not only sometimes steal from shops, but even lie to their parents about serious issues and cheat in school tests! I think I speak for us all when I say that we owe a lot to the Josephson Institute for bringing these shocking new developments to light. Apparently the world is now fucked because the president in 30 years will have once stolen a bag of M&Ms from the corner shop, but at least we don’t have to worry about food shortages, global warming, global war, nuclear proliferation, and asteroids.