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Vice Blog

London - Hand Baggage

Dear Vice,
I don't sympathise with all the people who're moaning because they've been made late for their two week holiday to Marbella by the hand baggage ban. I've been increasingly concerned about just how tight the security at our airports is ever since I flew back and forth from Amsterdam carrying, unknowingly, a bottle of lighter fluid, a hypodermic syringe, a lighter and half of gramme of cocaine in my hand luggage. If I'd been a fundamentalist terrorist I could have injected the pilot in the neck with lighter fluid then flown the plane straight into the Houses Of Parliament and had a celebratory bump before meeting Allah and having sex with all the virgins. And how about the kitten you guys smuggled over from Brazil that you posted on here last week? Oh, the fact that whenever Pete Doherty seems to travel across Europe they ALLEGEDLY invariably find him in the toilets of the plane with a bloody syringe hanging out of his arm?

What I'm saying is that I'm not that keen on dying in a mid-air explosion and if it takes forced anal probing for every single passenger on the plane to guarantee our safety then I'm absolutely in agreement in that.

Probe away!