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Vice Blog

NEW YORK - THE CRICKET

Reading that story in the

Technology Issue

where those people

hump stuff and explain how it feels

reminded me of when I first started feeling sexy. I didn't really know how to go about pleasuring myself, so I would try typical shit like shoving Sharpie markers up my hoo-ha. Once I narrowed down where all the action was coming from in my pants, I did this thing called The Cricket. The Cricket was where I would lay on my side, usually behind the couch or something, and rub my legs together until the magic happened. Nothing extra necessary. One time my grandma caught me doing the Cricket while watching

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

on VHS.

I tried doing the Cricket a few weeks ago to see if I still liked it. It doesn't work anymore. It's funny to think about the sexy things that strangers do. Like how I was just in a public restroom and over heard a lady talk dirty to her boyfriend on her cell phone while changing her tampon. Imagine how many people you walk by on any given day who have maybe just jerked off into a sock. Am I right?

KELLY McCLURE