Yo yo yee-yah! It's Saturday and 82 degrees in New York City, which means it's time for the Week In GIFs. Catch up on what you didn't hear about this week because you were out getting drunk and being a degenerate!
GIFs by Daniel Stuckey
Some woman filmed her abortion, and YouTube was nonplussed. Expected and arguably hypocritical considering how popular scat videos are on there. Either way, all-around dumb and in my opinion a bigger challenge to the concept of privacy (my privacy, to be clear) than even the NSA leaks.
“Cannibal Cop” (awesome title for a movie, btw) Gilberto Valle is responsible for cooking breakfast and lunch for his fellow inmates at the Metropolitan Correctional Center. At least that's what the New York Daily News was told by his mommy dearest, who still thinks he's a “good kid” despite making intricate plans about how he was going to kidnap, kill, cook, and eat his then-wife and 100 other women on a fetish website. Valle and his mom say it was all fantasy. His current inmates say, “Why does this chili taste so weird!?!?” Just kidding, but they should.
In other food-related news, despite what you may have heard, a high school student in Bakersfield, California, DID NOT bake splooge into cupcakes and then feed it to bully classmates who had picked on her. But she did serve them up, smiled widely while they chowed down, and then after they were finished tell them that stuff like pubes, jizz, expired food, and pills had been on the ingredients list. Sites like Gawker hedged against the story with a “grain of salt” but haven't bothered to correct it. And that's because… sites like Gawker have no souls? Or maybe they're just lazy.
In other fake news that Gawker and other lame-brained sites purported to be real, we have the case of the girl who was hit in the head with a shovel and hours later dropped dead from head injuries while watching Mean Girls. It doesn't take a punch-up guy working out of a West Hollywood CBTL to figure out that this was a load of shit. Again, Gawker offered no correction because, hey, traffic… but to be fair, I'm not sure if the post was written by a staffer or a glorified commenter considering that there is barely any distinction between the two these days. Cuz, hey, who needs editors! Fuck 'em!
There was bad news in São Paulo earlier in the week, when yet another worker died while rushing to finish a stadium ahead of the World Cup. This guy was electrocuted and later died of cardiorespiratory arrest, making it the eighth fatality attributed to World Cup preparations. Sadly, something tells us that's going to only be a drop in the bucket once the favelas start heating up. Or that “something” is us, because we reported on it for our HBO show.
Something I wish was headline news every day: A few lion cubs at the Smithsonian passed their mandatory swim test. Hooray!
Runner-up for most awesome news of the week goes to this ATM that spits acid at would-be robbers when someone tries to bust it open. In your face, literally, dickheads!
Monica Lewinsky made headlines earlier this week by writing a piece for Vanity Fair's latest issue, in which she expresses regret for getting caught giving Bill Clinton a blowjob while he was president. She also talks a bit of smack on Hillary, who (very) arguably is the only one who will gain long-term benefits from rehashing a scandal that was utterly boring in the first place. Monica, if you really want to make some headlines sell that dress at Christie's. Presidential semen increases the value of everything. Our weekend editor makes the best point of anyone by comparing Monica to Paris Hilton.
Continuing the frenzy over killing supposedly killer sharks that's been going on for a bit now in Australia, the formal penal colony just murdered 50 of the largest sharks it could manage to catch because, one can only reason, they think Jaws is a documentary. At least they still have Outback Steakhouse!