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Sex

Porn is Ruining my Life and my Brain

November 6, 2009, 12:00pm

I’ve come six times today. Whatever. No big deal. My vagina currently feels like a piece of five-week-old deli meat and I’m finding it slightly difficult to walk, but it was totally worth it for those beautiful, magical, short bursts of ecstasy. God, I love porn.

I’m on holiday in NYC for a few days. Instead of spending the day being productive or doing important things like wandering around Williamsburg with Deerhunter or popping into the US Vice office for a cup of stress, I am lying in my friend’s bed, shoving my face full of Mexican food (I need to get my fill – Mexican food hasn’t been invented in England yet), watching loads of adult entertainment and jerking off. I think I’ve got a problem.

Gang bang porn, chicks with dicks, sluts being fucked by machines – I don’t discriminate. See, I don’t have the interweb back in my shitty south London squat, so whenever I’m anywhere with internet for more than ten minutes, I instantly get all wild with excitement about the prospect of RedTube (it’s a modern miracle, if you ask me). So naturally, I’m taking this rare Wi-Fi-connected opportunity to spend the entire day filling my brain with all things X-rated.

A couple years ago, before I became a porn junkie, I was really good at masturbating. Like REALLY good. I was so focused, so efficient. My brain sex was always perfect and without interruption. But ever since experiencing porno-enlightenment at the hands of RedTube, my jerking off skills have evaporated. It sucks. I can’t focus on a fantasy. My once smooth, dynamic mind porn now wanders and jerks, like it's been edited with an axe. Porn has contaminated the sexy part of my imagination, and now my brain has forgotten how to do any work for itself. Ugh.

My porn addiction has also begun to interfere with my daily life. I think about porn 24/7. I can't concentrate on anything for longer than a few minutes before I have to take a break and inject myself with a hit of some Asian skinema (I love how fucked up and masochistic it is). I've begun taking whole days off work to stay at home and watch gay porn marathons. Porn is even ruining my sex life, as no real man can match up to the wondrous 2D sex gods on my computer screen. I'm fucked.

Clearly, what I really should do is ditch the RedTube and focus on getting my sex brain back into tip-top shape. Problem is, I just can’t seem to give up my beloved porno. It’s just so disgusting and wonderful and sexy and wrong and beautifully gross and it means far too much to me. I keep trying to kick it but the high is just so fucking gooood.