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Five People Tyler The Creator Would Like To Fuck

Are you on his list?

Tyler, The Creator is the leader of lo-fi, synth-love shock-rap crew Odd Future, or to give them their full title, Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All. It’s hard to tell if Tyler enjoyed Christmas or not. His Twitter’s been full of the same ludicrous, Capped Up bile and spit it always is:

- “Damn, I Fucked That Santa Nigga Up.”
- “SOME FAGGOT CAR THREW A DRINK AT US BECAUSE WE EGGED THEM UP.”
- “Fucking Nigger Neighbors Won’t Shut The Fuck Up.”
- “Hey Everyone, I Want To Take A Dookie On The Ham.”
- “Butt Fuck A Couple Rots.”

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At other times though he seemed pretty happy:

- “Merry Christmas Everyone. I Got A New Ipod And A Skateboard! I’m So Fucking Happy. Shit.”
- “FUCK IT IM GETTING HEAD TOMORROW.”

Maybe he just did that thing all 18-year-olds do when they’re enjoying something they don’t really want to, and tried to bury the joy inside until it forces its way out in awkward smirks that make you hate everyone and yourself. Doesn’t really matter. What matters is that in 2010 rap is lethargic, and OFWGKTA are not. They’re too clever and weird for the gangster knuckleheads, but despite their tight jeans and skateboards they don’t seem like they want to suck J Dilla’s dick. They don’t seem to care too much about anything, really, other than anger and cumming, so here’s a list of five people Tyler wants to have sex with. Commiserations to Vanessa Hudgens, Jurnee Smollett and Jennifer Freeman – you almost made the cut. But you didn’t.

BRITTANY McPHEE

I am in deep love with this girl – she has freckles, she’s skinny, she’s in the same age range. I write songs about her all the time. Fuck, she’s like… perfect.

CASSIE

I would fuck her in her ass. Let her do some real nasty shit to me, even though she has that fucked up dyke haircut – have you seen her face?

TAYLOR SWIFT

This little bitch. So innocent and shit. I think I want to more because her parents would not want her fucking a black guy.

ZOE KRAVITZ

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Yeah, she looks like a heroin-addicted hipster that doesn’t wash her ass from the slums of some rich ass hood… so the fuck what.

WHOOPI GOLDBERG

I would fuck her in her pussy, no rubber. And she’s funny. Bow!

Tyler just re-upped the first album he made to Odd Future’s Tumblr. Get Bastard here.

TYLER, THE CREATOR