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What We Know So Far About Why Jeremy Corbyn Could Never Be Labour Leader

A man who eats cold baked beans has no place heading up Her Majesty's Opposition.
Simon Childs
London, GB

Jeremy Corbyn at a rally in Norwich (Photo by David Henry Thomas)

More on the Labour leadership contest:

I Went to a Jeremy Corbyn Rally in Norwich to Try to Understand Corbyn-mania

I Went to a Labour Party Picnic in South London to Try and Find Liz Kendall Supporters

What Would Happen if Jeremy Corbyn Became Prime Minister?

Jeremy Corbyn refuses to engage in personality politics. When a journalist tries to goad him into calling one of his rivals a charlatan, he says: "I don't do personal attacks." Fortunately, the media is clearly not on the same smug pedestal as Corbyn; journalists have been keen to share every facet of his personality, and why they all make him uniquely unsuited to public office.


Here are some of the reasons not to vote for Corbyn that have recently emerged in the press:

He cares more about politics than his love life
As his former wife Jane Chapman told the Mail on Sunday: "Politics became our life. He was out most evenings, because when we weren't at meetings he would go to the Labour headquarters and do photocopying – in those days you couldn't print because there were no computers."

Despite having no time for love, he's on marriage number three
The third being to Laura Alvarez, a Mexican coffee baron 20 years his junior.

He cares more about politics than his children
His second marriage ended because his wife wanted to send his son to a grammar school, rather than a more egalitarian failing comprehensive.

"He is completely uninterested in material possessions and creature comforts"

"He refuses to drive a car"

"He doesn't drink alcohol"
Vote Farage.

"He doesn't even smoke"
Vote Farage.

He doesn't smile

He eats baked beans
Jane Chapman again: "He had quite a good appetite, but he didn't mind what the food was because he couldn't be bothered to give it the time. So he would just grab a can of beans and eat it straight from the can."

He is related to a climate change denier
His brother Piers has made no secret of his dislike for "climate change hysteria".

He likes motorcycling

He likes animals
He used to have a cat named Harold Wilson and a black mongrel named Mango.

Treat this as a public service announcement and study these points well, because they are definitely far more important than Corbyn's views on the NHS or benefits. This article will be updated as further personality traits and signs of human life emerge.