This story is over 5 years old.


Drug-Related Photoshop Art - 11.8% Heavier Cocaine

A "screenshot" of what Segway-inventor Dean Kamen might have seen in concrete reality.

A "screenshot" of what Segway-inventor Dean Kamen might have seen in concrete reality at some point while excitedly* organizing his thoughts and hopes regarding whom to approach with his new invention (a scale that increases the weight of anything it weighs by 11.8% whenever its internal sensor detects cocaine within 25 feet) a few hours before his friend and business-associate Jimi Heselden, owner of Segway Inc., was brutally murdered—Kamen "could not help but suspect" this—by a cocaine-related organization in a situation that was then unanimously reported upon as "an accident" in which Heselden somehow drove a Segway off a cliff,** effectively putting an end to the further development and known existence of [what might've been called "valueweigh"], as Kamen, despite his initial burst of seemingly earnest aspiration, apparently "got the message" and destroyed all information/technology and some interns associated with the invention, going as far, according to more than one thread on, as strategically subjecting himself to 200mg/Xanax over 14 "heavenly" days/nights (followed by a number of seizures, however, it should be noted) for the ostensible purpose of erasing all of this from his memory.


* evidenced by Kamen's first-ever handwritten "lol" (adjacent "andre") and the three "cordoned off" areas of second-order planning—re (1) what to officially name the invention and what "motto" it should have (2) what to listen to while researching Bret Easton Ellis, Paraguay, etc. (3) top 5 shows to appear on to discuss the invention

** "Segway Accident Kills Jimi Heselden, Segway Boss" (ABC News), "Millionaire Segway tycoon dies in cliff plunge on one of his own scooters" (Daily Mail)