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Eats

Every rundown old hotel and casino partakes in the old Vegas tradition of hosting a ridiculously inexpensive buffet full of inedible food.

Every rundown old hotel and casino partakes in the old Vegas tradition of hosting a ridiculously inexpensive buffet full of inedible food, but if you’re looking to keep something down on the cheap, the safest bets are the twin L.A. outposts of In-N-Out Burger on Sahara Boulevard and Fatburger on the Strip. For the splurger though, here are few of our more spendy favorites: Gaylord (3700 W Flamingo Rd, in the Rio (702)777-2277) In the back corner of the casino, right where you’d expect the bathrooms, is this reasonably-priced Indian restaurant. They’re one of the few places in town that caters at all to vegetarians and we shouldn’t have to mention that, yes, that’s really its name (fucking cynics). Bally’s Sterling Brunch (3645 Las Vegas Blvd (702)967-7999) Bringing the lowest form of dining culture every Sunday—the buffet—into harmonious conjunction with the opposite end of the spectrum, this is the only place in North America to date with an all-you-can-eat caviar special. It is also the only spot in town with decent eggs, though that may or may not be worth the $35 price of admission to you.  Four Seasons (3960 Las Vegas Blvd (877) 632-5000) You kind of have to pretend to know what you’re doing to get in, but if you act like you’re just meeting a friend (one who’s irritatingly unpunctual) nobody’s going to call you on it. This is a nice and quiet little place to reflect on all the stupid shit you got up to the night before and sort out your plans for the next evening of idiocy.  Nobu (4455 Paradise Rd, in the Hard Rock (702)693-5090) Yeah, yeah, Nobu. We know it’s like the McDonald’s of Japanese food, but it’s still kind of fun to come here and order the same five things you order every time. Make sure you’re blowing someone else’s money and don’t sit near Jay Z or other rappers (they are loud). Bonus points for getting a buddy so wasted on Sapporo and sake that he walks into the glass wall outside the restaurant and breaks his nose.  Lotus of Siam (953 E Sahara Ave (702) 735-3033) This guy makes everyone’s “must-eat” lists purely on the basis of being the town’s only decent Thai offering. The only real difference between it and the standard Thai place wherever you’re from is the 30-minute walk from anything fun it takes to get there.  Hamburger Mary’s (4503 Paradise Rd (702)735-4400) Drumroll please… this is the Vegas outpost of a famous gay hamburger chain. Gay-friendly, gay-themed, named Mary’s, started in San Francisco, you get the idea? Right next to the Alexis Park hotel, they’ve got great burgs even if you’re not, you know, gay. Our scouts tell us that it’s now called Toucan’s, but don’t worry, it’s probably still rife with homos and burgers.