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Vice Blog


May 24, 2011, 1:26pm

Schopenhauer watching 'Walrus sucks own dick' on YouTube while absently petting his 2,000,000mg Xanax (specially ordered from Thailand) at 3:34 PM on a Tuesday in April after being put 'on hold' for the second time in 40 seconds as he tries to reach the one person he knows at Harper's, an editorial assistant who "really liked" The World As Will And Representation, to see if there's any chance they want to send him anywhere—to write about anything—as his toy poodle, 'ever aware' that it's 'very similar' in size/weight/color as the 2,000,000mg Xanax, suppresses uncontrollable crying successfully, to a large degree, owing to having licked the 2,000,000mg Xanax a few times, 30 minutes ago, when Schopenhauer was at the doorway gripping the doorknob tightly while staring across the street thinking [what seemed to be 'nothing'] after receiving his 3rd form-rejection in 14 months from Electric Literature.


Drug-Related Photoshop Art is Tao Lin's new weekly column. Check back next Tuesday for more drugged up laughs.