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Curt Schilling Wants to Take on Elizabeth Warren Because He Hasn't Lost in a While

Curt Schilling and politics: what could go wrong?

Major League Baseball's large adult son, Curt Schilling, is at it again. Last week the former pitcher teased (tormented) Americans with his plan for a run at politics—"state office first, white house in 8 years…or 4 if by some amazing illegal event this country elects another clinton." Monday he took to the radio to set his sights on the senior senator for the commonwealth of Massachusetts, Elizabeth Warren:

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"I would like to be one of the people responsible for getting Elizabeth Warren out of politics," said Schilling. "She's a nightmare. The left's holding her up as the second coming of Hillary Clinton, Lord knows we don't need the first."

Granted, he doesn't specifically say he plans to run against Warren himself, but come on…this is Curt Schilling we're talking about here. He's totally going to run against the woman being held up by literally nobody on the left as the second coming of Hillary Clinton. He has the will, he has the narcissism, and he has plenty of time on his hands ever since ESPN shit-canned him for posting offensive memes for approximately the 700th time.

Let's handicap this race, shall we? Warren is the Democratic incumbent in one of the most consistently Democratic states in the Union. She was a professor of law at the University of Texas, University of Pennsylvania and Harvard. Knowledge of law should be useful to the governmental body in charge of making laws…at least in theory. She proposed and helped create the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, which is helpful if you ever want to buy consumer products. Perhaps most importantly, she is not Curt Schilling.

As for Curt Schilling, he used to be able to throw a baseball well. He demands proof of evolutionary links in the fossil record, then ignores said proof and feuds with colleagues. He ran a video game company into the ground, costing Rhode Island taxpayers $75 million. And again, he is handicapped by the fact that he is Curt Schilling. He cannot stop saying and doing Curt Schilling things. That probably won't fly in Massachusetts.

Do yourself a favor, Curt. If you're going to run for office, you might want to give Arizona a try. You're still quite popular there after helping the Diamondbacks win a World Series, and you can drive a tank with Joe Arpaio and Steven Seagal!