5 Reasons Why Modern Dating Sucks

It’s no shock that many people are struggling to find lasting love and strong relationships today. With the dating apps and social media altering our brain chemistry, as well as inflated egos taking over, it can feel impossible to form genuine, mutual romantic connections. 

I turned to Reddit to explore the common issues we face in the modern dating world. Here are the five most significant problems with modern dating, as reported by modern daters themselves.

1. High Expectations With Low Reciprocity

One of the most widely discussed dating flaws today is that many people expect their partners to check every single box, all while failing to show up for the other person.

“Everyone expects things but [doesn’t] want things expected of them,” one person wrote on Reddit.

Another added, “Just in general, personal responsibility and putting effort into something are lacking nowadays. People get offended when you suggest that you should compromise and put in equal work.”

For example, the Redditor explained, if you’re looking for a traditional man, then you should probably show up as a traditional woman. If you’re seeking someone who is emotionally deep, make sure you’re meeting those standards, too.

“It’s pretty amazing to me how many people think they’re entitled to a partner who borders on perfection across all of the measurable ‘stats’ (good looks, high income, amazing personality, will bring breakfast in bed every morning) while they themselves are a burning dumpster fire across all measurable angles,” a third Redditor wrote. “Not gender specific.”

2. Too Many Options At Our Disposal

We all know the dating apps have rotted our brains. I mean, with so much access to countless matches on a regular basis, many daters fear settling. 

“Dating sites in particular make people think that there’s always something better out there,” one Redditor wrote. “People treat dating like ordering a Whopper at Burger King and want someone to meet every checkbox on their wish list, rather than accept that all relationships involve compromise.”

Another person agreed with this sentiment: “I’m 53 and it was definitely easier in the 80’s and 90’s … No interest. Just the old-fashioned everyday encounters.”

A third confirmed the issue was real and actually directly impacted them: “This mentality cost me an amazing relationship. Excellent point.”

3. No Room for Humanness

Society loves to claim that it’s accepting of and patient with those who struggle with their mental health. However, these same people often expect their partner to show up as perfectly healed, secure individuals who never mess up or need reassurance—ready to cut them off for one wrong move.

“I have never heard any relationship advice that encourages forgiveness,” a Redditor wrote. “One mistake and people who hear about it are saying leave him/her, accusing the guy/girl of the most horrible things without taking into account that someone could just be venting and because of it is exaggerating or not mentioning his/her errors.”

Another person echoed a similar statement: “People’s standards are way too high. They have [an] inflated opinion of themselves and focus too much on [the] negatives of others.”

4. Poor Communication

Good communication is arguably the most important part of a healthy, lasting relationship. However, today, it’s severely lacking.

One Redditor said they believe the biggest problem in dating is poor communication. 

“Don’t ghost me, tell me you’re not interested,” they wrote. “It’s not the end of the world, but it lets me know definitively instead of it being one of many other possible explanations.”

Not to mention, proper communication is required to build a connection in the first place.

“People don’t know how to talk to each other, in person or on the internet,” another added. “Men and women are so polarized and out of touch with reality that they expect some mindblowing introduction or date.”

The individual found this to be such a frustrating issue that they said they’d prefer the middle-school method of writing a note asking, ‘Do you like me? Yes, no, or maybe’ to get the ball rolling.

5. Lack of Respect for One Another

Unfortunately, many daters seem to be losing respect for each other, only looking out for themselves. While many operate from a place of self-protection, this selfish approach can be damaging to real connections.

“There’s no respected social contract; people don’t feel like they owe anyone anything despite the fact that everyone is putting themselves out there to try to find love (or even just hookups),” one person wrote on Reddit. “Be a decent person and treat others as humans instead of just hunting for the perfect person that doesn’t exist.”

“People lose the respect of other people’s feelings,” another added. “Ignoring, acting mean, [and] ghosting is very easy and common. Attitudes like ‘boss bitch’ or ‘always yourself first’ also result in the loss of common sense.”

“There is always another real person with real feelings on the other side,” they continued. “At least give it a try to end things like a normal human being.”