Love and dating often bring out the worst—and sometimes the best—in all of us. It’s where all our triggers and insecurities show up, and it can stir up a ton of trauma from our childhoods. Thankfully, there are plenty of books that help guide readers toward a more authentic and grounded experience in love. Here are five relationship books to help strengthen your relationships and improve your approach to love.

1. Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

You’ve likely heard of attachment theory and how it relates to infant bonding, but have you learned about the different adult attachment styles in dating? Written by Dr. Amir Levine, psychiatrist and neuroscientist, and Rachel S. F. Heller, psychologist, Attached explores the three main attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant. 

The two authors dive deep into the “why” behind these attachment styles, how they show up in dating, and ways to reach a more secure place in your relationships. As an anxiously attached girl who was notorious for dating avoidants, I’ve been able to make major strides toward a more secure attachment style, thanks to this incredibly helpful book.

2. 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty

Jay Shetty, a former monk, is well-known for his personal development podcast and spiritual approach to life and love. The bestselling author and award-winning podcast host wrote 8 Rules of Love after dedicating a few years to studying and researching love. Within the self-help book, Shetty includes eight “rules” that have helped him throughout his own journey to finding love. From learning how to be alone and finding your own purpose to taking accountability for your mistakes and continuing to choose love, these lessons set the tone for a more grounded, spiritual experience with love.

3. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

If you struggle with codependency, like many of us do, this book is for you. Codependency occurs when someone prioritizes another’s needs or feelings above their own, often leading to self-neglect, burnout, and resentment. In codependent dynamics, it might feel like your behaviors are an act of love for the other person, but really, it’s often rooted in low self-esteem and a desire to feel needed. 

The other person in the codependent dynamic is usually suffering from a chronic health condition or mental illness that requires extra care. For example, many addicts and their spouses find themselves in codependent cycles. However, this overliance on another to meet and exceed their emotional or psychological needs can be damaging to both parties. 

This book changed the way I viewed my own need to over-give and shed light on the ways I was over-relying on others, too. I’ve since been able to develop healthier connections with firmer boundaries and more authentic love.

4. Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

This beautiful self-help book is structured as an advice column and includes actual essays from the author’s popular “Dear Sugar” column on The Rumpus, an online literary magazine. Author and podcaster Cheryl Strayed answers a variety of deeply personal yet relatable questions about life and love. She instills her own experiences and offers a raw, human perspective on life’s most challenging topics, from grief and loss to heartache and shame. 

Reading this book has helped me empathize more with myself and others, as well as cherish the connections I have in my life. I feel it awoke a part of me that had been asleep, highlighting what truly matters.

5. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

While this isn’t necessarily a relationship book, I’d be remiss not to include “The Body Keeps the Score” on this list, as it heavily relates to the way we form connections with others. This book dives into the deep and lasting impacts of trauma, explaining how it can be stored in our bodies. Renowned psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk is known for his research on post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

For anyone who is struggling with the aftermath of trauma, especially in childhood, this book will help you better understand yourself and how you relate to the world around you. Since reading this book, I’ve developed a deeper understanding of myself and self-compassion that allows me to connect more vulnerably with others.