Photo via Amil Niazi
Heeeeey CRA, hope you're not reading this right now because I haven't combed through my Twitter account yet to delete all those tweets about not paying my student loans. I noticed this morning that you suddenly employ a bunch of tax narcs to dig through Facebook pages and Twitter feeds looking for suspects who cheat on their taxes, which honestly just kinda seems like it's specifically about me.I'm really sorry I haven't filed my taxes in a while but someone once told me that if you don't owe anything then technically the deadline is more of a suggestion than a hard rule. Is that true? I hope that's true because I've just been suuuuuuuper busy and to be perfectly real it's not fair to make someone who makes so little deal with that reality in such an official way every single year.Like I said, I'm fully planning on doing that as soon as I can get my shit together. I just need to renew my health card first, so that's a whole morning right there. And then I was going to join that sketchy gym that gives away free pizzas on Mondays, and I feel pretty committed to that, so as soon as I get those two things off my plate I 100 percent will get those taxes in to you, ASAP. Just need to cross that stuff of the list. Also gonna be out of town for a bit, but after that, I'm all yours.No need to scroll too far back on my Facebook wall. I was obviously just kidding about hiding money under my mattress. I don't even have a bed. I'd also appreciate some leniency on those Instagram posts about my nice new coat, because it cost a lot less than you think. If you do the math on how many times I'll wear it this winter it was basically free. Besides, everyone knows that social media's just one big flex, you can't take any of that seriously. It's just my online brand!Why are you doing this to me? Is it because I didn't call you back? I can't afford voicemail and my screen's too cracked to see who's calling. Also I moved and my new place doesn't allow mail, so again, sorry. It's not you, it's me. Call off your social media creeps, I swear I'm working on it! Unrelated, does anyone know how to file taxes?Follow Amil on Twitter unless you're the CRA in which case she actually died two years ago.