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Bangability: A Klout Score For Bang With Friends

Bang With Friends is now quantifying sexiness with a FICO-esque number.
March 5, 2013, 5:00pm
Can one really turn attractiveness into a metric? Well, sure. Image via Cybertect

In the past 24 hours, I've received the same email from five times. Seriously. It reads thusly:

Screenshots courtesy of the author

On the fifth retrieval of what I've deduced is supposed to be a weekly update of my Klout score for getting laid, I finally clicked to unsubscribe. But I'm left scratching my head, trying to figure out what the score actually means, and why I've received this email so many damn times.

It could just be an error. Bang With Friends is just getting its operation off the ground. But where is it going to go? A little bit after it launched, Bang With Professionals, another novelty flash-in-the-pan-hookup site took its own 15 minutes of techblog limelight. And then, a week later, Tinder came around with some real-life odds of hooking its real users up. Bang With Professionals said goodbye.


However well-intentioned these Bang With sites are, could they be much more than a joke? I think it's safe to say such sites were predicated on a joke. A joke, which in some fluke case could become a success (Bang With Friends had earlier ). I suppose I sympathize with similar jokes: My roommate and I were wondering last night why ZipCar doesn't unveil ZipHouse, ZipKitchen or ZipSleepingBag.

How is a subdirectory like–where you click on the Facebook friends of yours you're giving a wink–supposed to be taken seriously? And then there's fuck/how, where a mockery is made of teenage-boy-logic in this quirky little step-by-step:

I know the onslaught of bangability e-mails could be a mistake. And I'll admit, I too am guilty of accidentally spamming people a couple times with duplicate newsletters. This time, I'll give Bang With Friends the benefit of the doubt and I'll read this as a glitch, instead of the site desperately seeking more likes.

What I'm still laughing at is the fact that I'm being incentivized with a privilege to increase my own sexiness. In order to become more bangable, I solely need to invite more Facebook friends to the site. They don't need click anything that says they want to bang me back (what I would expect to factor in the score), because I would've gotten laid by now. I've actually clicked on everyone in my list–including relatives–to set a true control. Perhaps my tenacious spirit increases my score? Whichever arbitrary system in place, I'll say, it's still been a pretty cold winter. Nice one, Bang With Friends.