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A Woman Has Been Jailed for Blasting Ed Sheeran’s “Shape of You” on Repeat for 30 Mins

Literally imagine being her neighbor though.
Lauren O'Neill
London, GB

We know that Ed Sheeran is everywhere. We have made peace with it, and we have accepted that, entirely against our will, we know all of the words to "Castle on a Hill," because these are the end days.

However, despite not being able to go outside or engage with popular culture at all without encountering some semblance of The Man with the Ketchup Tattoo, one place where you'd think you could escape him would be your own home. At home, you can switch off. You can take yourself away from a Sheeran-saturated culture: have a glass of wine, light a candle, bask in the No Sheeran Zone that you have curated for yourself, and breathe a well earned sigh of relief.

Except, you couldn't do that if you were neighbours with Sonia Bryce from Walsall, near Birmingham, because she was recently jailed for eight weeks for incessantly blasting Ed's biggest recent hit "Shape of You" for half an hour, so loudly that the police had to be called. Though it's part of a larger complaint about her noisiness, the "Shape of You" repeat loop was what triggered the eventual call to the authorities, though Bryce says she "didn't even like" the song. Perhaps, like the rest of us, she protests too much.

Even your homes aren't safe anymore. Reinforcements are required.

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(Image via Ed Sheeran on Instagram)