You don't need to have done the truffle shuffle in a room full of total strangers in exchange for some Volcano Crispy Chicken Chips to understand that Taco Bell is arguably the single greatest source of desperation and depravity in modern America. Countless sailors may have been lured to their watery graves by enchanting sirens in Greek mythology, but if you've ever woken up after a bender to find congealed Fire Border Sauce underneath your fingernails, you know that the beckoning glow of a Taco Bell sign is the true temptress of today.
But in what just might be the most bizarre and saddest case of Taco Bell-related desperation to ever occur, one Florida woman was recently arrested after offering to give an undercover police officer a blowjob—in return for two soft shell tacos from Taco Bell.
Last Thursday, 47-year-old Buffy Suzanne Bryan was one of five women arrested on prostitution charges during a citywide sting undertaken by the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. While the other four women—all of whom have previously been arrested on prostitution charges—were taken into custody after offering undercover cops sex acts in exchange for money, Bryan told an undercover detective she would give him a blowjob simply for two soft shell tacos from Taco Bell.
In case you were wondering, two soft shell tacos from Taco Bell costs a grand total of $2.38.
Due to a number of factors including economic inequality and a lack of job opportunities, illegal prostitution remains a serious problem across America. Despite being legal only in the state of Nevada, there are an estimated one million prostitutes throughout the US. In a 2014 report published by The Urban Institute, researchers found that the underground sex trade in eight cities across the US was worth somewhere between $39.9 million and $290 million a year.
Will the story of Buffy, who was willing to give a cop a blowjob just to eat a cheap meal, convince some out there that prostitution should be legalised and regulated? Because as enticing as Taco Bell may be, this sounds like hunger to us—and the world's oldest profession doesn't seem to be going anywhere.