In the 13 years since Malcolm in the Middle went off the air, we've seen a whole new side of Frankie Muniz, who's best known for his role as Malcolm, the middle child of a pre-Breaking Bad Bryan Cranston. For a short stint between 2012 and 2014, he played drums in an alt-rock band called Kingsfoil, also known as "Frankie Muniz's band." Late last year, Muniz had a kitten, inexplicably named Zzyzx, who accidentally turned on the sink and flooded the actor's home. He manages an indie pop band called Astro Lasso and runs a specialty olive oil store with his fiancée, which has given their lives both "flair and flavor."
And as of this morning, we now also know that he wants to get kinky with Lizzo—and specifically, that he'd like to be on the submissive end of that power dynamic, thank you very much. (In his defense, who among us would not?)
In a true testament to Horny Twitter, Muniz tweeted at the "Truth Hurts" singer this morning suggesting that she make him, um, her purse. "Put a chain around me and I'll hold your stuff for you… just sayin," he wrote, giving us all a mental image that might burn out our last remaining pure, untouched childhood TV memories. Still, if you think about it, it's kind of sweet! Romantic, even! Why ask a man to hold your purse when he can just be the damn purse? Sounds like a love language to me!
As of this writing, Lizzo has pointedly not responded, despite having tweeted a few times since Muniz's message. To Lizzo, a plea: Give the people (Frankie Muniz) what they (he) want(s). Put Malcolm in the Middle on a leash. Imagine your power!