We Asked People to Sum Up Their Darkest Secrets in Six Words
Illustrationer av Brandon Celi.

We Asked People to Sum Up Their Darkest Secrets in Six Words

"Collect toenail clippings in a jar."
June 26, 2017, 3:30pm

Sexual indiscretions, regrettable financial missteps, or just severe lapses in judgement—we all have at least one gnarly secret buried deep down in the depths of our souls, things we'd die of embarrassment if our loved ones found out. We asked our friends and co-workers to sum up their darkest, most shameful secret to us in six words. Here's what they said.

"Slept with best friend's younger brother." - Leia, 29 "Stole money from my last job." - Trish, 34


"Collect toenail clippings in a jar." - Neil, 26

"Spammed a professor with porno ads." - Justin, 32

"Pissed in brother's bed. Blamed dog." - Monica, 24

"Have never finished an entire book." - Gary, 25

"Sill don't know my roommate's name." - Drew, 21 "Lied about being pregnant to ex." - Kristin, 37

"Was basically addicted to nitrous oxide." - Eve, 23 "I sabotaged my sister's bridal shower." - Bethenny, 29 "Cheated on girlfriend with her cousin." - Tim, 35

"I'm a millionaire, only family knows." - Kate, 54 "Fantasize about girls while fucking boyfriend." - Jackie, 33 "I've had to declare bankruptcy. Twice." - Rob, 37 "Read boyfriend's emails. He doesn't know." - Ella, 29 "Tried to catfish an ex once." - Paul, 30

Illustration by Brandon Celi for VICE.

"Peed in my ex's shampoo bottle." - Ari, 28 "I've been sleeping with my boss." - Mary, 34

"Never ever orgasmed with a partner." - Nia, 23 "I've been to a bunny ranch." - Jon, 36 "I voted for Trump. Regret it." - Anthony, 38 "Got caught shoplifting at Urban Outfitters." - Carly, 27 "I've slept with over 100 people." - Kelly, 31 "Don't always use protection during sex." - Leo, 34

"Gave my son up for adoption." - Rachel, 29

"Can't sleep without giant stuffed animal." - Tanya, 25

"Used to give best friends blowjobs." - Ben, 36

"Kept fucking ex after our breakup." - Melissa, 22

"Haven't told my parents I'm poly." - Joey, 35

"I have never had an orgasm." - Tara, 37

"Cheated on every girlfriend I've had." - Pete, 34


"I always steal my roommate's food." - Eddie, 23

"Haven't paid taxes in six years." - Leslie, 40

"Stole mom's credit card. Bought pills." - Chris, 25

"Had threesome with my best friend." - Carrie, 31

"Lied about being in love once." - Walt, 34

"Slept with jerk so he'd like me." - Rosey, 28

"Affair with best friend's boyfriend." - Kate, 50

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