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Give Their Heart a Hard-On With the Best V-Day Chocolates This Year

Because nothing says I love you like chocolate from Milk Bar, Harry & David, and Godiva.
Where to Find The Best Valentine's Day Chocolates Online
Composite by VICE Staff

Hello lovers, friends-with-benefits, throuples, and BFFsValentine’s Day is just around the corner, and while just the mention of the V-word might give you sweaty palms and an eye twitch, it doesn’t have to. It’s not even a real holiday (I mean if you think about it are any holidays real? Is life even real or are we living in the matrix?) What I’m getting at is that there’s no reason to put so much pressure on this Hallmark holiday, because you can’t go wrong by gifting whoever is on your V-Day list (be it mom or sugar-baby), the eternally classic Valentine’s Day gift: chocolates. 

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To be clear, we’re not talking about some lame Russel Stover tin you buy from Walgreens on the way home— we’re talking high-quality chocolate with unique ingredients, or served up as a limited-edition collaboration. However your beloved likes to eat sweets, don’t dawdle: If you’re like me, and don’t do it now, you’ll forget until February 13th and you’ll find your “palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.” With plenty of time to spare before V-Day, let’s get down to the sweet science.

Amazon

Our resident food writer Adam Rothbarth is obsessed with these two delicacies that are both available on Amazon—Frango Chocolates and La Higuera chocolate fig bonbons. Frango mints are legendary. They premiered over 100 years ago, eventually becoming synonymous with Marshall Field (a “department store,” for all you freaks who have only ever shopped online); now, they’re found at Macy’s. Frango is one of the GOAT chocolate treats—it’s the perfect truffle texture, and has the ideal mint notes. Luscious chocolate abounds. Any day of the year, it’s to be enjoyed as a luxurious after-dinner mint (or anytime, TBH) that will help you transition from eating to whatever special activities you have planned for later.

The Rabitos Royale chocolate-stuffed figs are a totally unique treat—creamy truffle is wrapped in a cozy, gooey fig, which is then covered in hard chocolate. It’s a really wild bite that almost has the texture of one of those chocolate-covered marshmallow rabbits from Easter. Open a box of these bad boys near the fire with Getz/Gilberto playing and you’ve got a truly horny night on deck. 

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$32.08 at Amazon

$32.08 at Amazon

$22.87 at Amazon

$22.87 at Amazon

Compartés

We absolutely FROTH over Compartés’ glamorous chocolate. It’s not just that the geniuses at the Los Angeles-based chocolatier mix-up out-of-the-box flavor combinations like Cereal Bowl and Campfire S’mores, every single box and bar is a work of art. They’re almost so pretty you won’t want to open them, but once you do, it will be hard to refrain from fressing on the entire assortment in one day. Compartés has an impressive array of Valentine’s-specific gifts in every price range and even has gluten free options. If you’re looking to go big, the Chocolate Heart gift bundle hits all the marks.


$74.95 at Compartés

$74.95 at Compartés

Enzo’s Table 

Let’s say your giftee doesn’t have a crazy sweet tooth—they’re much more of a sweet n’ salty person, and would pick dark chocolate over a sundae any day. Enzo’s is the absolute best source for bulk snacks like dark chocolate covered walnuts and chocolate toffee almonds in one pound bulk bags. You could even go a step further by filling a big glass jar with their favorite mix and adding a giant bow—the gift that keeps on giving. 


$10.95 at Enzo's Table

$10.95 at Enzo's Table

$13.95 at Enzo's Table

$13.95 at Enzo's Table

Godiva

You can’t go wrong with fine Belgian chocolate, and Godiva is a classic. A giant plush heart or a selection of arguably the best chocolate-covered strawberries in the world is sure to get a positive reaction—it’s hard to miss with such a household name. 


$110 at Godiva

$110 at Godiva

$42 at Godiva

$42 at Godiva
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Harry & David

Everyone’s favorite foodie catalog, (Gen Z: a catalog is a pre-internet shopping magazine) Harry & David goes even harder now that it has the world wide web at its disposal. Chocolate hearts filled with candy that you smash with a mallet? Got it. A seven days of love advent calendar? It has that too—and don’t forget about pears. Boy oh boy does Harry & David have pears on deck. Wrapped in shiny red foil for when you really want to say I love you—nothing says “you’re the one” like fancy fruit.


$54.99 at Harry & David

$54.99 at Harry & David

$129.99 at Harry & David

$129.99 at Harry & David

Kosterina

Another excellent option for those who tend to skew more savory in their flavor preferences are Kosterina’s extra virgin olive oil dark chocolate bars. There’s two not-too-sweet flavors—Almond Butter & Vanilla and Cashew Butter & Crispy Quinoa that make the perfect pairing for your significant other with a sophisticated palate. 


$8.45 at Kosterina

$8.45 at Kosterina

$8.45 at Kosterina

$8.45 at Kosterina

Milk Bar

I don’t think anyone needs convincing that Milk Bar’s red velvet cheesecake and truffles are a slammin’ Valentine’s gift. These highly-addicting, limited-edition deserts arrived just in time for Cupid’s arrow to strike, but don’t hesitate…we wouldn’t be surprised if these sold out before the big day. 


$65 at Milk Bar

$65 at Milk Bar

$32 at Milk Bar

$32 at Milk Bar

M&Ms 

You can’t get more personal than candy with their face on it—incredibly sweet or seriously creepy—only you can decide. M&Ms—the candy that melts in your heart, not in your hands (awww).


$24.99 at M&Ms

$24.99 at M&Ms
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Mouth

Ooh baby, Mouth is another excellent one-stop shop for chocolatey gifts you’d normally have to scour a bunch of different specialty stores for. Of course there’s tons of impressive bundles and gift sets to choose from, but if you really know your sweetie, choose a few of their favorites à la cart—might we suggest bacon peanut butter cups or a saffron milk chocolate bar for your lovely gourmand? 


$18 at Mouth

$18 at Mouth

$13 at Mouth

$13 at Mouth

See’s Candy 

Speaking on behalf of all Californians, nothing compares to a box of See’s Candies because there are truly no bad options. You might pick through that drugstore chocolate heart for your select faves, but in a See’s assortment—there are no wrong choices. See’s website even has sections dedicated to who you might be shopping for—a sweetheart, your pals, or family. Regardless of who you’re blessing with a sweet treat everything comes perfectly wrapped in seasonal packaging. The best part? You can also buy See’s on Amazon—go ahead and make that most out of that Prime membership.


$38 at See's

$38 at See's

Simply Chocolate

Want (or need, because you f’d up over the holidays) to go big this year? The old flowers and candy one-two punch never fails, and since Simply Chocolate is a part of the 1-800 Flowers universe, it couldn’t be easier to make a grand gesture. Not to mention Simply Chocolates has a ton of gourmet chocolatiers to choose from like Max Brenner, Jacques Torres, and Ethel M just to name a few, on top of even more Valentine’s-specific items. If you plan on staying in, a luxe fondue kit sounds like the perfect end to a cozy evening. 


$39.99 at Simply Chocolate

$39.99 at Simply Chocolate
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Spring & Mulberry

For chocolate that's as pretty as it is delectable—look no further than Spring & Mulberry. Boy, just the sound of that glitzy NoLita intersection makes us feel rich, and so will this chocolate. The brand just collaborated with Atelier Saucier on a “Date Night collection” complete with four gorgeous linen dessert napkins and two date-sweetened (and naturally gluten-free!) chocolate bars in two  flavors: mixed berry, and a blend of mango, urfa chile, and black lime. Either way, both should be perfect for V-Day. Sweet.


$66 at Spring & Mulberry

$66 at Spring & Mulberry

Vosges

Oh Vosges and your delightfully whimsical aura—everything from your wildly aesthetic packaging to pop art-centric truffles and a-typical flavor combinations makes us yearn for you no matter the time of year. There’s something to be said about the fact that its special Valentine’s Day assortments are categorized by *frequency*, rather than flavor. Go with whichever vibe most emulates your partner’s spirit— like the Purple or Red Energy collections—or spring for our personal-favorite: the Opposites Attract Tower, which embodies “yin and yang, sun and moon, fire and water, sensual red and stately purple.” Groovy. 


$130 at Vosges

$130 at Vosges

Get ready to go full  Augustus Gloop-lifestyle this V-Day. 


The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals?Sign up for our newsletter.