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Music

Going Completely Fucking Insane Waiting for Frank Ocean's Album? There’s an App for That!

Question for Frank: What the hell kind of a monster are you?

First things first: Frank Ocean, you and me are not good.

Make no mistake about this. Don’t go thinking that just because I listen to Channel Orange start-to-finish on a fortnightly basis with love and admiration, or that because I’m gonna be all over Boys Don’t Cry the very moment it arrives (if I’m still alive by some miracle), that we are on good terms. Make no mistake: Every time I think your name I’m shaking my head disappointedly at the thought of you, pursing my lips and tutting into my lap, like how my parents did when I was a kid.

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Question: What the hell kind of a monster are you? What kind of game is this? Was 2016 not already kicking our asses enough for you?

Whatever. Literally no thanks to you, I can relax a little. I no longer have to scour the internet every goddamn morning, crossing my fingers for a sliver of hope and promise in a world of chaos and torment, only to be let down. Again. I no longer have to walk around, shoulders tense and back hunched with anxious worry that I’ve missed it—that it’s happening without me. I no longer have to get so blind drunk at the bar that I’m screaming “Whhhhyyy, Fraaaaank” to a bunch of total strangers until I’m dragged the heck outta there.

No thanks to you.

It’s just like Leonard Cohen said: “There is a crack in everything”—that’s you, Frank—“That’s how the light gets in.”—That’s Shahzeb Khan, the engineering major who has created a site that’ll notify all of our sorry asses when Boys Don’t Cry drops. If it drops. …Frank?

All you gotta do is put your email or your phone number into his pretty simple interface of a site. And wait for a notification message or email. Just wait. And wait. And wait. Etc.

Bless you, Shahzeb Khan.