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[Half hour later] Young dude again: C'mon girl, you're so sexy. You can't do this!
Neighbor: I just want to lie here and cuddle. I know your friends. Don't try anything with me.
Dude: Stop it! You can't do this to me. You're like the hottest older woman I've ever seen.
Neighbor girl: STOP CALLING ME OLD!4 AM on a MondayDoor slams.Neighbor: There's just something about being backstage with musicians. I'm so taken by them. That's why I like you.
Musician: Oh, cool.(They fuck.)6:30 AM on a SundayWake up to fucking sounds. The guy finishes.Neighbor: I love you. I SAID I LOVE YOU. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, RIGHT? YOU KNOW I FUCKING LOVE YOU! I FUCKING LOVE YOU! SAY IT! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!I called my friend in LA, and asked him if he had her number."Who? Oh, her. She's awesome," he said. "Just knock on the door, I don't have her number." That night I left her a note under her door: Hi, please call this number. We need to talk. I waited and watched Tivo and tried to determine how many hours of sleep she'd cost me. Around midnight I heard her stumble in. A minute later the phone rang. Here we go: Vice: Hello?
Neighbor: Yeah. Someone told me to call this number. That was me. My name is Elly and I'm living next door.
OK. Um, do you think you could stop fucking so loud ?
Excuse me?I think you have abandonment issues. You're never alone. You're so loud. I can hear everything. You sound mental. You're driving me crazy.
(Silence.) I can't ever sleep with you crying and screaming and fucking all the time. I can't stand you and your fucking life.
(Breaks down sobbing.)Hello?
Today is the anniversary of my parents' death. A year ago today they died in an industrial accident. Both of them. Oh. Oh. Shit. Oh shit. Sorry. Whoa. I hung up, and moved out the next day. And I haven't been back to my friend's place since, but I've been thinking about her a lot. So if you're reading this, I'm really sorry about what happened to your parents and I'm sorry I said I couldn't stand your life. If I were you I'd be fucking my way through it too.ELIANNA LEV
