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Vice Blog

LONDON - CALLING BULLSHIT ON SCIENTIFIC STUDIES

A study by researchers at Universit√ɬ© Laval has shown that doing even menial intellectual work makes you want to eat loads more, i.e. thinking makes you fat. The research team, supervised by Dr Angelo Tremblay, found that despite the low energy cost of mental work, subjects who had  to actively think ate a lot more than those who didn't. One group who had to read and summarise a text, and another who had to complete a series of memory, attention, and vigilance tests on a computer were found to have consumed 23.6% and 29.4% more food, respectively, than a group who just had to sit and chillax, when invited afterwards to eat as much as they liked from a buffet.

Now, hang on, does that mean that people who are most fat are thinking too much? That can't be right. Let's take a look at the facts here. All obese people are stupid, everyone knows that. Take, for example, Kerry Katona: she seems to be getting fatter by the minute but she hasn't used her brain since… hang on, she doesn't even have a brain!

So how can these chubsters be the ones doing the most intellectual work? Maybe they are so stupid that they need to spend all day thinking to even carry out the simplest task, i.e. getting off the sofa to go to the fridge. Hmmm, yeah, maybe that's it: they spend so much time thinking about what food they will eat that it works their brain really hard, making them want to eat even more. Okay, we'll let you off on this one, science. But don't go making any bold claims again any time soon, ya hear?