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LONDON - ONE CELEBRITY'S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN'S...

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine stole some rubbish from outside of Gwen Stefani’s London home. The haul consisted of two bottles of mineral water (I looked on google and couldn’t find out how much this costs per bottle, but I’m pretty sure it’s from M+S so it was probs pretty pricey), a Nobbly Bobbly wrapper (which contains 158 calories), a partially used pack of Caspari tissues (four-ply!! I didn’t even know that existed) and a torn, wet page from a Dora the Explorer colouring book. With the credit crunch and the carbon footprint and the impending recession and the global warming I figured it would be best to recycle it all rather than sell it on eBay or throw it away.

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First I framed the colouring book page. It doesn’t look so nice but I figure an original art piece by Kingston Stefani could be worth a ton in the future (I'm just going to say it’s by Kingston because I can’t write the name of her other child, "Zuma Nesta Rock," without flinching.)

I took the Nobbly Bobbly wrapper and put it into the oven at 160°.

After about an hour, it had shrunk down to this.

I attached it to a chain.

And tada! Necklace!

After unfolding the tissues (which were thicker and softer than my duvet, bee-tee-dubs)…

I attached a hairpin and made this beautiful hair accessory.

My friend and I licked the rims of both mineral water bottles to remove any remaining saliva, and so we could tell people we’d "licked Gwen’s rim." Then we tried drinking the leftover water but it was undrinkable (I think it had been there for a while. It tasted like pond water and aspirin.)

But strange flavorings to magic things to food so now I keep a tub of it in my cooking cupboard. I find a sprinkle lifts a meal from "tragic" to "Tragic Kingdom."

I cut the bottles into three parts. The lower parts became plant pots.

The central rings became egg cups. (Lame, I know. But what else are you gonna do with two plastic rings that are too small for bracelets and too big for napkin rings?)

After cutting the tops into spirals…

A fashion minded friend of mine, used his garment construction knowledge (and a little fashion tape) to create…

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A bra!

Awwwww SUPER KAWAII!!

JAMIE TAETE