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Vice Blog

NEW YORK - PUSSY EYES


There's not one entity more marvelous and psychedelic than the pussy, the entrance path to life and re-entrance to ecstasy. Babies squirm out, lovers squirm back in, and even in her most exposed state still maintains some mystery, no matter how many times you have closely examined it. I've seen some pussies close up. I got one, I checked it—still not certain about the deets, but it appears in to me as a hot pink crystal tetrahedron, with angel wings protracted. However, drawing her from memory just looks like Fido Dido with rosacea. Anyway, did you know that pussy provides not just life and orgasms, but beauty services too? Her musky essence will make you prettier and more attractive to your conquests, I promise. I tried it and be warned…manipulating destiny is witchcraft.

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OK, so you know that liquid dripping quietly from the cooter all day? Best to harvest that when it's fresh. ATTENTION: This is not smegma! If you mistake pussy juice for pussy smegma, your beauty treatment will result in the opposite of intended results. How to determine the difference? Smegma will be pasty, nougat-style, gummy, and you will make an unhappy face when you smell it. Pussy juice will be clear and sparkly, catching the light like a prism, odorless, warm and clingy.

So to attract a potential squeeze, dab a bit behind each ear or pulse point and these spots will warm your effusion to an alchemic bouquet of pussy essence majik! Your essence will not be detectable to anyone but your SOULMATE (or ideal sex pal). It has a relatively odorless note to friends, family, and acquaintances, but a great and all powerful haunting musk to the lover possessing the perfect crotch vapor that favors your own! It's like peanut butter searching for jelly. They taste good together!

Next, is PUSSY EYES. Think of these like holographic sunglasses. Approach your crush and focus, think only of your pussy. Remain alert, pay attention to what he/she is saying, allow pussy to move up through your body and slowly emit from your eyeballs. Think of clit and she will reveal her essence in your eyes.

This is a spell that WILL work on friends and acquaintances, strangers, undesirables, bums, rapists, and cats too. It is a very dangerous beauty spell. PUSSY EYES can be used for evil. It can turn your eyes into pussy light sabers. If you choose to use pussy eyes for obtaining goods or services including but not limited to unprotected random sex acts with whomever whenever, heaven help you child. I recommend to you use your pussy eyes like a discriminate connoisseur of the gourmet act. You will be granted the orgasmic reward with none of that karmic punishment!

ADRIANE SCHRAMM