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Vice Blog

NEW YORK - LIVEFASTDIE FIX THE COUNTRY

I know, what is this, Punk Monday or something? (Yes it is. We just decided.) Livefastdie have a new album out that they describe as "country" (although we feel relatively safe in saying the average country fan would describe it more as "What the fuck is this shit you're making me listen to?") so we decided to sit down with them and talk about what's going on in the country. A few weeks back some dude saved his tiny pooch from being a shark's hors d'oeuvres, which is pretty fucking incredible, so we're just gonna pretend that moment is frozen in time and talk about current events from back then.
PS: before we do that, here's a little song they did called "I'm Gonna Punch You in the Face."

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Camero Werewolf: I want to start this off. I cannot believe that dude in the Florida Keys that rescued his dog. His little dog got bit by a shark, dragged that dog down, and he saw it. In that split second he realized that he and his wife were going to lose the closest thing that they had to a child and he fucking defended the dog and attacked the shark. That’s fucking crazy. And the dog’s fine and gonna recover. That is fucking nuts! That is completely insane! I don’t care how much my girlfriend loved a dog I would not attack a shark and I would hope she would not be stupid enough to do the same thing.

What if your girlfriend got attacked by a shark?
I would attack the shark.

What if your girlfriend attacked a shark? Would you attack your girlfriend to protect the shark?
That’s a pretty loaded question. Pretty stupid question.
Viking Thrust: What do you think about those monsters that keep washing up on the shores of Long Island?
Camero: I think that’s just a hairless raccoon.
Time Cop: Those are just people from Long Island.

How about this economic crash?
Camero: What economic crash? Oh shit, we’ve just been selling so many records I haven’t noticed.
Viking: I don’t know if you know this about us, and it might come as a shock to the readership of Vice magazine, but we don’t have much to lose. We actually stand to gain something from this downturn.

Like what?
Like other people’s apartments when the food wars come. Swank apartments, cigars, scotch, coke.

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That covers the economy. What do you think of Sarah Palin?
Camero: She’s great! Sum it up in one minute Viking.
Viking: [talking fast] I watched the latest Katie Couric clip, which probably won’t be the most recent one as of this interview   but Sarah Palin actually said that she’s read every magazine. When asked for specifics she said, "Ohhh, you know, I just read all of them‚Ķ". It takes me hours to get through the AM New York on the train. I cannot imagine reading every magazine when you have a state to run.
Camero: I can do it in 25. But I don’t touch anything past page nine.
Viking: I usually feel less informed after reading the AM New York.

What do you think about her kid with Down's?
Camero: It’s retarded because the bitch is too old to have kids [despite the insensitive phrasing, this is very likely true—ed.].
Viking: I think it’s awesome that they’re using the Down Syndrome baby as a political pawn.
Time Cop: You’re not even supposed to take a Down’s baby out of the fucking house because a case of the sniffles could kill ’em. And she’s holding hers up in arenas in Muskogee.
Viking: I am just psyched that we’ll have someone in the White House who thinks that the end times are upon us and is totally fine with it…. I don’t know if you caught this: there was a ceiling panel in a women’s gym. It was above the treadmill, and there was a leak in the roof and the image of Christ became perfectly visible in this one drop tile ceiling. First, I don’t understand why that’s newsworthy. Second, why is it always the white version of Christ? Everybody knows that white people have never come from that area.

I think that probably has something to do with the color of the drop tile.
Camero: It’s interesting. I was watching an episode of Californication yesterday where David Duchovny talks about a black Jesus and it’s visibly a white Jesus in the picture. I was like, "What the fuck? Did the prop stylist not have enough time to paint the thing brown?" It was visibly a white Jesus.

OK, last question—
Camero: I know it. Do you think pirates in Somalia look anything like we think they do?
Viking: I bet they do.
Camero: I bet they don’t. I’ve seen a lot of movies and there’s never more than one black pirate at any point in time. I don’t want pirates to come over and fuck up my shit. I don’t have $20 million to pay them.
Time Cop: They dropped it to five. The pirates saw the news about the bailout and were like, "Oh they don’t have the 20 million, let’s just ask for five." Actually, the tanks are on eBay right now.
Camero: I think it’s nice that the senate put a cap on the golden parachutes that the CEOs of these companies could have. If you run a company into the ground you shouldn’t be able to take, like, 35 billion dollars for having done it.
Viking: Anything more than 20 billion is highway robbery.
Time Cop: CEOs are just Somalian pirates in whiteface.

NICK GAZIN

Livefastdie play Don Pedro's on Thursday with the Muslims. Their new album which we just discovered from reading is actually a live recording on one side and country on the other called By The Time These Flowers Die/Shit Amplified.