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Vice Blog

NEW YORK - NATURAL BEAUTIES CONTEST

Back when we were putting together the fiction issue, we tried to get one of those forensic artists who makes age progressions for missing kids to do ones for J.D. Salinger and Thomas Pynchon based on old pictures. You know, just for a little Ha-Ha joke.

This bubble was quickly burst, however, when the forensic guy we were dealing with told us that another magazine had just commissioned a progression of Salinger, then reminded us of that German dickhead who took an actual pic of Pynchon, THEN said that the whole thing was going to run a couple thousand dollars. We were a bit bummed letting it go, but now we're really kicking ourselves for not shopping around a little more. Not only could these guys have knocked a whopping 90% off our initial offer for an age progression, but they could have reduced JD & Thomas's baby-fat, fixed their teeth, added doll-eyes, and removed tears--all extras our "professional" artists never even put on the table. Maybe next time.