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Four Things the Internet Can Teach You #8

I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that a song which so definitively sums up our generation is still relevant after a year, or that the band that performed it doesn't have a single member under the age of 35.

1. WILL.I.AM IS THE VOICE OF OUR GENERATION I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that a song which so definitively sums up our generation is still relevant after a year, or that the band that performed it doesn't have a single member under the age of 35. When I heard lines like "Fast internet, stay connected in a jet / Wi-Fi podcast, blasting out a SMS," I got CHILLS. It's like someone took all of the thoughts my generation were struggling to find an emoticon for and transformed it into a four minute wonderblast. Can somebody less lazy than me start a Facebook (or "Yourspace") campaign to get Will.i.am made poet laureate of Generation Y?2. WOMEN ARE ALL WASHED UP WHEN THEY REACH 40 YEARS OF AGE Speaking of generations, can you imagine how great it must have been to be part of our parents' generation and be able to just laugh at something without having to worry about whether it's laughing back at you? Is this guy for realsies? Almost everything about him screams "FAKE." But the fact that his videos only have a couple of hundred views each and the sheer volume of them is making me think maybe he isn't kidding. But he has to be, right? I haven't seen Inception yet, but I imagine it's a lot like how I feel right now. 3. SOME GIMMICKS WILL NEVER GET OLD Despite the fact that the infuriating "indie covers of hip-hop songs" trend has existed for well over a decade, a fedora'd asshole (with the most lackluster video hoes the world has ever seen) named Hugo (who, surprisingly, isn't French) has decided now would be good time to release his take on Jay-Z's "99 Problems." Get it? Because, though indie musicians are able to appreciate the structure of hip-hop songs, their values are exactly opposed to those put forth in the lyrics. HILARIOUS! 4. WORLD'S MOST OFFENSIVE SENTENCE DISCOVERED ACH! Can you believe that this exists? That somebody actually said they were doing something "to make Nikki Sixx jealous"? Fuck me lady. You do know that people know who Nikki Sixx is, right? Even if that was your intention, you should have just kept it to yourself. JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE