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Junk-ify My Love

Happy Junk Food Day!

July the 21st is officially Junk Food Day, which is awesome because we’re getting pretty sick of everyone vilifying the consumption of the chemical laden, hyper coloured, gut busting treats we love so much. To mark the auspicious occasion we set out to celebrate sugar, fat and oil in all its glory by junk-ifying some healthy choice favourites.

MUESLI

Muesli is pretty much the prom queen of healthy foods, everyone loves it and it’s everywhere. Which seems excessive for something that is essentially rat feed and roughage. We took things up a notch using fruit loops in place of oats, substituting fresh fruit with banana Milky Way and jelly fruits and swapping yogurt out for chocolate ice-cream. We finished it off with chocolate milk and a smattering of Nerds. Fuck wheat germ, look how pretty these guys are.

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TOASTED SANDWICHES

You could argue that toasties aren’t really a healthy choice, but when your diet is made up of microwave pizzas and Metamucil they are a pretty happy dinner option. This one was a no brainer, cake served as a noble stand in for bread with peanut butter and caramel topping as condiments. Oreos and chocolate chunks filled it out and the congealed cheese left in the sandwich press was a nice final touch.

Don’t let appearances fool you, this may have been the greatest thing that anyone ever got their mouth around.

SMOOTHIES

Smoothies are muesli for people who don’t have time to chew before they get to the gym, so our interpretation of it was pretty much the left over muesli ingredients without the fruit loops. Anyone who can afford fruit juice has no place on the Internet so we topped this bad boy up with home brand cola. The result? We invented the Rolls Royce of ice-cream spiders.

SUSHI

This was the only point in the project that we wondered if we may have taken it too far. Sushi made with white bread, spam, pickles and hot dog flavoured chips looked like it could be the deal breaker. We don’t know what happened in those layers of pillowy bleached bread, but the results were magical. We’re going to stop making fun of Spam after this.