There are things that you and I will never do because we are not real enough, and will never be. We will never shut up a bird by snapping its neck with our hand. (Shout out House of Cards.) We will never order the secret Chipotle burrito that comes wrapped in a quesadilla. We will never have sex with a pharoah. We will certainly never sing a hymn while holding a snake—the same one which killed our father—in church, dancing and bopping around while a full band does the same.Not too long ago, pastor Jamie Coots died after refusing medical treatment for a snake bite because of his religious beliefs, which followed a passage in the Bible suggesting that poisonous snakes aren't dangerous if your faith in God is devout. That's a pretty shitty way to go out, but his son Jamie wasn't dismayed: From TMZ comes a video of Jamie getting his ya-yas out, dad-killing snake in hand, the band playing behind him. What can you say? It's easy to buy into a rock band's hype when they talk about how tough they are, but here's something that's realer—or stupider, depending on your tolerance for this stuff—than words. I'm going to stay the fuck away from snakes, you might say. Coward.Jeremy Gordon is one of those cowards. He's on Twitter. - @jeremypgordon
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