Culture is cyclical. Every few years, styles and trends that were once popular make a comeback for a new generation. Well, we here at Noisey are sick and tired of waiting around for some of our favorite things to circle back around into popularity. Here is a list of things that went away too soon and we hope we see return in 2016. Be heroes with us and help bring these back.
In our fast-paced smartphone world, who even has time for a whole song these days? That’s why it’s the perfect time to bring back Hit Clips. Imagine listening to all your favorite songs, “Hello,” “Hotline Bling,” “Bad Blood,” etc. in manageable one-minute low-fi bits. “Hey did you download that new Kendrick track?” your friend will ask. “Download it? I got it on Hit Clips, son!”
Jay Leno Headlines
Remember these? What a hilarious way to stay up on the news. They’d be all, “Man Fails to Pay Child Support Because He Was Dead.” Uh…whut? LMAO. You can’t make this stuff up! Or sometimes they’d be like, “President to Speak at Elementary School.” Lol whaaat? Why would the President be speaking to kids? They can’t even vote. Seriously hope someone got fired over that blunder. Jay Leno needs to unretire again and read the headlines to us.
The Phrase “Oh snap!”
Fake profanity is adorable because it’s meant to curb your use of bad words while allowing you to be colorfully expressive, but hilariously, it never really comes together. Oh my word! Hecka cool! Fudge! You sound corny and sheltered replacing curses with rhyming slang. The exception to this is “OH SNAP,” which we gave up on much sooner than we should’ve. Kids that said “Oh snap!” were badass, cooler still when they figured out you could hold the “Ohhhhhhh” for increased impact. If you turned to the nearest person to you right now and said it, they wouldn’t even look at you crazy. Try it. Did your outfit transform into a fresh Adidas tracksuit yet? You didn’t even have to pay for that. “Oh snap” is the gift that keeps on giving. Let’s bring it back.
Hell yeah, remember how dope you looked whizzin’ by everyone at your bar mitzvah rockin’ these bad boys? Imagine how cool you’d look riding backwards out of conference room after a shareholders meeting or whipping out of a restaurant after a kickass power lunch. Your boss would be all, “Johnson, who was that fast-moving hot shot? Promote him!”
As a holiday whose sole purpose is getting smooched under some jagged leaf at a specific time of night once a year, New Year’s Eve is sort of overrated. There’s too little at stake. You promise to change, then you get very drunk, then you wake up to flip the calendar and do most of the same shit again. Y2K was cool because it made New Year’s Eve suspenseful. Were all your bank assets going to evaporate? Would an electromagnetic pulse wave knock us all back to the dark ages? Would your personal electronics come to life and try to murder you like they did in the 1980s Emilio Estevez cult classic Maximum Overdrive? Remember uncertainty? Those were the days.
Text messaging killed the greatest marketing catchphrase of all time. You KNOW what we’re talking about….WHAZAAAAAAP?!? Remember how fun it was to call your boy and be like “Whaazaaaaaapp!?!?” And he’d be like “Whazaaaaaappp?!?” And you’d be like “Whaaaazaaaapp?!?” And then you’d be like, “Wait, let’s get our other bro who we gave a hilarious nickname to a call and get him on three-way calling.” And then he’d pick up and you’d be like, “Whaaazzaaappp?!” And he’d realize he got whaazaaapped and be like “Whazaaaap?!” and then all three of you would be like “WHAAAZZAAAAAP?!?”
The Grunt from Home Improvement
Tim Allen’s famous “arrrrrhhhh” had limitless possibilities. It could mean that you like something and could let out an “arrhhh arrhh arhhh” in approval. Or you could throw a question mark at the end of it to imply that you’re incredulous or don’t understand the situation, like, “Arrrrhhhh?” Sometimes it was a celebration of your manhood, letting out a primal grunt like our caveman ancestors, but other times Jill would use it as a reclamation of femininity that was sexy AF.
Pogs were the original memes. Think of all the things we could put on pogs these days. Pepe the frog, Doge, Drake. “Trade me two Minions for a Left Shark,” you’d say.
Remember this skit? Classic Will Ferrell. Almost as good as Semi-Pro.
They recently made one of those videos where they showed a new generation of kids a Skip It and none of them knew how to work it. Fuck these little pieces of shit. This is why there’s a child obesity epidemic. No reason we need to deprive ourselves of some fun activities because these little dickbags are too uncoordinated to move their little meat sticks properly.
“Boomshakalaka!” (and Basically All NBA Jam Lingo)
“Heeeeeee’s heating up!” “Is it the shoes?!” “He’s on fire!” There are literally endless modern uses for any of these phrases. What’s that announcer doing these days? Let’s find him and make him our national spokesperson.
The “Awooooga!” Noise They Used to Make in Cartoons
This was the sound effect they’d use in old cartoons and usually meant somebody was horny as hell and DTF. Well… we’re still horny as hell and DTF!
When’s this cool ‘hood gonna make a comeback? There are so many hip restaurants and it’s so close to the L! Hopefully more people will move back to this underdeveloped artist haven.
The WB Frog
When you saw the WB frog, you knew you could kick back and enjoy some classic programming. Come on, CW, bring back Michigan J. Frog!
The Arsenio Hall “Whoop Whoop Whoop!” Fist Pump
Know when would be a good time to use the “whooop whooop whoop?” How about ANYTIME. Literally anytime. Breakfast? Hell yeah. The movies? Oh you know it. A conference call? Whoop whoop whoop!
You’ve Got Mail!
Back when AOL introduced the famous “You’ve got mail!” soundbite that would go on to inspire the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan rom com, it was the most exciting way to get notified that you had an email waiting for you. Of course, back then, you only got one email per month. Imagine the thrill of hearing “You’ve got mail!” every other minute on your iPhone.
We actually have the technology to make this super easy now.
Remember this guy? What was his deal? Only one way to find out: Bring him back!
OK who remembers the guy pictured above? We do! His name was Drake and he was a big deal in hip-hop once. What’s he been up to lately? It’s about time he put out a new song!
Remember these? You could pick giant pictures of your favorite things and hang ‘em up on your wall. You could plaster the entire dang wall with them if you wanted. We think we even remember seeing a poster on a ceiling once!
We have literally run out of ways to tell inform our BFFs that they are in fact our BFFs. If everyone in the world could give someone a lanyard they made, there would be no ISIS.
Sinbad is long overdue for a comeback. How about we cast him in a serious drama? Give this man the Mickey Rourke treatment. Working title: Women Be Shoppin’.
Don’t Wake Daddy
Settlers of whaaa???? Let’s get some real games up in here.
“Raise the Roof”
Don’t let the trend toward high ceilings fool you: It’s been awhile since we raised the roof. Let’s turn that around in 2016 and really get the party jumping. Oh snap!
*tYpIng LiKe tHis*
h0w Do pEoplE eVeN hAvE aWay MeSsAgeS aNyMore ???
The Great Depression …NOT!
If we just deregulate a few more sectors of the economy, we can achieve the one thing that everyone wants: rampant poverty… NOT! What we really need to bring back is the phrase “… NOT!” You know what everyone doesn’t want to hear? You saying “NOT!”… NOT! OK, that was probably easy enough to follow… NOT! Actually, this is getting pretty circuitous, so we’ll stop saying “not”… NOT! (What we’re saying here is that the phrase “…NOT!” should definitely come back.)
We’re trying to think of modern situations which wouldn’t be enhanced by the use of either Gak or Floam and we can’t come up with anything.
Remember that joke from Zoolander that the keyboard necktie was invented by Will Ferrell? Hilarious! Also, sorry to put Will Ferrell on this list twice… NOT! Do you think we're taking crazy pills? That guy is hilarious!
Legally, if someone yells “foooood fight,” you’re required to start a food fight. Well, we’re yellin’ it loud and proud right now, and we won’t stop until everyone starts throwing chocolate puddings at each other.
Bill Clinton’s Saxophone Playing
Now all we get is that old man Clinton who wants to talk about HIV prevention or his wife’s Presidential run. Boring! Whatever happened to tickling the keys on the ol’ horn?
Never really left, but always a classic!
Tell us what else needs to make a comeback on Twitter.