We Need To Talk About Morrissey

Hello, I'm Ryan. I work a shitty day job and in between serving yuppies caramel macchiatos and wiping smeared ketchup off plates, I daydream and fanboy over today's musicians. I'll probably never get to share a milkshake with Kanye West or play dress up with Lady Gaga, but I would like to be able to ask Justin Timberlake to start "bringing sexy back"

Teenage Fanclubbing #4 - We Need To Talk About Morrissey

Dear Mozzer,

Is everything okay? It’s been a while since Christmas, where we spent a joyous, imaginative time spread out by the fire, playing Monopoly. I played as the iron, you played as the top hat. I bought Mayfair, you bought all of the cheap ones. We had a merry time, ignoring the Queen’s speech and sitting in paired solitude, warming ourselves by the radiator, praying for all the turkeys who don’t know what Christmas is.

But, recently, I fear that you’ve not been quite right.

We need to talk, Steven. We need to talk about Morrissey.

I’ve listened to your records and I’ve listened to them well. Since as long as I can remember being placed upon this earth, I’ve dissolved into your lyricism. Tales of bicycles on a hillside and lights that never go out have fascinated me. They’ve enthralled and enchanted children, teens and adults who have listened for the first time long after they were recorded. But, it’s a shame that whilst the music can reel ever more around the fountain, your persona has drifted sourly like a case of gone off milk.

Back in 2010, when the lost dreary soul of David Cameron announced his penchant for your music, you rightly attacked him. But, not for the reasons that could and should have been. We were in the throes of an elitist attack on society from a government so out of touch with common people that we needed someone to stand up. We - the youth - had rapidly lost faith in the coalition and we needed someone from the arts to spit in their eye, shout and fight our corner. With your famously penned spirit of the underdog, you were the ideal candidate. But, what did you do? You just sat there.

You stood back and let Davidoff tear us apart with not a mention of the atrocities committed on culture, society and welfare, by his government. Instead, you tore into him about his want to repeal the Hunting Act. It was a fair shout, given your long vehement standing on the "Meat Is Murder" stance. But, given your comments regarding the lack of substance in music via a question submitted in an interview with Rookie, I wonder, what do you have left to offer us, other than a dictatorship-esque tirade against the consumption of meat?

It appears these days, you have more in common with the late Steve Irwin, than you do with your idol Oscar Wilde. A man, consumed by his own love of animals that he’s forgotten about the society that once benefitted him.

All that would be fine, though, of course, if you didn’t feel the need to shovel it down our throats. I get that you want to protect the animals, but asking the Staples Center to go 100% vegetarian for your worship is a little over-stepping the mark. Sure, you can have your own meat free dressing room, but the aforementioned request is a little ludicrous. We’re all people, Moz. We can make our own decisions. We shouldn’t have to be dictated…that kind of stuff is left for the fascists.

We’re not all bad people because we have different life decisions than yours. I fear, you’ve become too intertwined in generalisation. The human race are kind, too. Yet, I cast my eye back to your malignant comments regarding the Norway massacre of which you said was "nothing compared to what happens in McDonald's and Kentucky Fried shit every day" and it makes my heart yearn for the disheveled, mis-shapen one of yours. I understand your point, both the children and the chicken are cast in innocence, but it only served to make you look like an insenstive motormouth blinded by a single cause which I'm sure even PETA would shun. Besides, I don't mean to belittle your viewpoints in the same way that you belittle the massacring of children, but, what about the lions, the sharks and the crocodiles? Are they committing murder too? Or are they allowed to eat meat because they're on the top of the food chain and have a less able thought process than us?

I understand how ignorant that sounds, but ignorance seems to be your trump card, recently, Moz. Remember your comments a few years back about the Chinese? They love animals over there Moz, they really do. They've got kitten cafes and everything, you'd do good to go over there and pet a pussy. But, you chose to label a whole race of people as a "sub species" because of the inhumane actions of a few. Similarly, in the same way, you heterophobically blamed heterosexuality as the cause for all wars. This kind of generalisation would not be dismilar to tarnishing your upbringing with the peeker of a few select naughty Catholics, which wouldn't be fair to do, because it's wrong to stereotype Moz. We live in the modern age now. We're accountable for ourselves, not for others. So, now, you too, shall be held to account.

You’ve been quick to jump at targets, last month it was the Peckhams. I agree, of course, about the cult of celebrity that they’ve been so wistfully wrapped around (they are human and they need to be loved, more so than everybody else does), but, I feel as though your frequent vocal commentary reaches for the headlines more than David’s love of football - which, whether you agree or not, he gets paid for, similarly to you with your music - different rubs for different clubs.

I like your outspoken-ness, but recently it hasn’t done much of anything and more of nothing. A small reminder that you’re still skulking around. I’m wondering what happened to the Morrissey that rallied against the Conservative government for more than just fox-hunting. Are you too comfortable in your house, rented off Uncle Sam, to be bothered about the tirades of the minority? Did the Morrissey that I feel so fluently and strongly on The Queen Is Dead ever exist? Or, was he a sham? I suppose now you’ve got everything, no difference does it make.

I’m just sad, Moz. Were you always a prick? Or did I imagine you as a nice guy before I was born?

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